Random Nuggets, for now.

Follow me elsewhere.

2011-03-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

Friends,

I've made a switch. You can now read my blerg at http://carlyescoto.tumblr.com/

Love to each of you. I hope the switch isn't too chaotic. Its made my life easier and I'm starting my blerg up again.

Peace out,

Carly

Oregon: The trees, The Shack, The Ways, The Rain

2010-11-02T23:02:00.000-07:00

The trek up to Oregon was full of anticipation, anxiety, laughter and The Shack. Jamie and I took turns reading aloud to one another until the sun went down.

Leaving California and transitioning into Oregon is not short of dramatic. The last bits of California ( From Shasta up through Eureka) are breath taking. It's almost like advent- anticipation that powerfully transitions you into something extraordinary in a way that is its own significant event.

We stopped in Dunsmuir, CA thanks to Aleece's recommendation. The "town" is quaint, and we made out like bandits at the local thrift store. If you are ever driving through, stop there. The store is run by these ladies who volunteer at the shop and also at a shelter/rehab center for women who are either contemplating abortion, have gotten one and need healing or who refused one and need to learn how to raise a kid. Hearts of gold, those ladies.

We landed in Medford for a night with our new friend Joel Swenson who we later performed with. We spent the next day there then headed to Corvallis for our first Oregon show. It was awesome. Oregon people are not like California people. There aren't mini skirts and ugg boots, affliction T-shirts, tans, juicy couture, or surfy looking folks. I feel like you only see a) people who outgrew coolness and are just super normal b) hip indie rock type folks or c) mountain people. I love going places that are irreverent to the entertainment industry as a whole. Maybe I just enjoy it because I'm normally in its epicentre... either way, go Ducks.

After Corvallis we packed up the Element and headed back to Medford for the night. We ended up getting into town at 4:30am. Yes. 4:30. I couldn't be more exhausted and irritable when we pulled up- especially after having to drive pitch black mountain roads in the rain. Buh! We dragged our luggage up the steps to what was easily the nicest place we were going to stay on the trip so far. Our friend Evan of the Parson Red Heads invited us to stay with his family for a couple of nights. The outside of the home was perfect. Well, maybe according to my standards. It was like a huge cottage with a porch swing, lots of windows, lots of trees and pumpkins. Despite me dragging my feet all the way into our room I was excited. This place felt like home. It only got better from here.

I awoke the next morning at about 10am. I wanted to get a start on what would be our only full day without driving. It was a little gloomy outside the way it usually is in the North West in the morning- and the trees shone all kinds of gold and red. I tip toed down the old wooden stairs listening carefully for signs of life. I knew that Evan had several adopted siblings and I was sort of waiting to hear the chaos of all the kids. I walked down stairs to find musical instruments, a huge library of books, cereal, milk and coffee. Yesss. Anytime I wake up to coffee I feel like I received a little gift. After pouring myself a cup I meandered into a room I thought I heard noise in and found Evan's mom and two of his adopted siblings.

I sheepishly said "Goodmorning?" and WHOOSH! They all ran to me as if I was Mickey friggin mouse. I got three sincere hugs and after that an onslaught of questions... "What's your name? You wanna see me ride my bike? Can I show you my skateboard? Do you like monkey bars? Whats your favorite color? We have a pumpkin growing in our back yard! let me show you my car collection!". To which I said...."OK!!"

I spent the next few hours laughing, playing and making silly faces with Jamie and Travis. They were two of the Ways beloved children that had fetal alcohol syndrome and needed to be in families who could really love them in a healthy home. Both of them are fully aware of their adoption and even celebrate their adoption birthdays. There's another child in the mix too and he's only about 8 months old I think.

The Ways... Oh I could create a whole other blog about them. I was almost moved to tears watching them take care of these children. They are both into their 60s and have fully adult children who are off doing life elsewhere. The father is a Pastor and a gentle man, full of wisdom and patience. The mother is hilarious and a little crazy ( she'll tell you herself). When she's not being super mom she dances ballet and has an entire basement full of elaborate costumes and toe-shoes. The home is warm and full of the kind of love we all crave. The Ways ooze patience and hope. They laugh at their kids jokes, show no signs of anxiety or fear and seem to glide throughout their disciplinary action with trust and love. Their home made me want to follow in their footsteps- but it became apparent by the first few hours of hanging with their kids that it would take YEARS before I could exercise patience like them. I am honored to have been able to stay with them and can't wait to do it again. We got to play a great show in Ashland and that was a blessing but- the best part by far was our visit with the Way family.

Our last stop in Oregon was one of my favorites. We landed in Portland Oregon in the afternoon and we got to stay with my good friend Peter Liptak's parents. Now, this wasn't just their home. Its a place called " Madison House" and is hundreds of years old. It used to be a home for birthing children of single mothers before being a single mother was acceptable. This Doctor ran the home in a progressive act of creative tolerance. He would house the women in the huge number of bedrooms, birth their children, and throw adoption parties. Strange? Yes but, super cool. On the third floor there's a ballroom where they'd have dances! Families would come, dance and leave with a new adopted child and a "nurse"to take in with them. This way, the single mothers could still take care of their children but with support and without the shame they bore from society.

Now, the Liptaks just couldn't be any cooler. They chose to honor the tradition of the home in some way by housing young girls and mentoring them. They, too have children who are now adults living their lives and instead of indulging in the time alone they could have, they chose to run a home with 8 girls living with them at a time who they'd love, display a healthy marriage to, and support. This home is gorgeous and these girls are getting a great deal. I love the Liptaks so much. They are the kind of people you want to receive advice from any time, about anything and trust that they've lived it and know what the crap they're talking about. I got home the night we stayed there and I was gonna turn in and go to sleep when Valerie walks in from the theater. She saw me in my pj's and with utter boldness said " What do you think you're doing? Sleeping?? Oh NO, put your rain boots on". I smiled and became elated at the thought of a late night outing with the fam. She insisted we go to cart-opia. Its this little corner with the best food carts " of all time". I got a mingonberry, lemon custard, goat cheese crepe. Oh my gosh. Thank you Liptaks.

Our last show in Oregon was special. We played an outdoor house show by fireside- IN THE RAIN. It was freezing but beautiful. We played our songs underneath a little tin overhang that soon turned into the percussion section for our band. It poured, HARD. People in Oregon are cool with it though cause they're so used to it. So instead of peacing out, they hugged their cups of cider and swayed to the music like troopers.

Oregon, I love you. I will return.

-Carly

In a Nutshell...

2010-11-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

It started somewhere around 6 years ago. Jamie Drake and I were working at Starbucks in Thousand Oaks with profoundly different lives than those which we live now. We were fully immersed in suburbia dreaming of the day when we would both somehow be able to sing songs up and down the west coast. I had just started to sing, and Jamie had been at it for some time but had settled down and tried to start planting roots that didn't really allow the music dream to flourish.

It was just a fun idea... Not the kind that seemed possible.

However, we found ourselves here. Driving up to San Francisco laughing and planning out different ways to make our tour special. We reminded ourselves frequently " WE'RE ON TOUR! IT'S HAPPENING!" and it still hasn't gotten old or normal now that its over.

Hotel Utah was our first stop. I couldn't believe how many friends came out from all kinds of different chapters in my life. It helped to make me feel like it was as normal as breathing for me to play shows in new cities. I can't imagine a better way to start of the tour.

One of the treats Jamie and I put together were three songs to glue our sets together into a real show. We wrote a " Welcome to our show" song, an " Intermission" song and finally a " Goodbye". Each are about 30 seconds long and kind of funny.

As we sang " Welcome to our show" and heard the crowd chuckle during our last line of " ...hope that we.... Don't blow" I knew this was something special.

Our sets wrapped up, we greeted friends and fans, we danced most of the rest of the night as the other bands played. It was the perfect first show if you ask me.

We then moved on to Oregon... but that's another post :)

Peace,

Carly

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes..

2010-10-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

This month has been full of all kinds of bouncing around. From my trip to Texas to Vegas to the tour through the Bay area and North West that I just took.

I haven't really felt my feet touch the ground. I get home from each of these trips and feel like " OK, once the chaos subsides I'll get back into a groove" but so far. The groove has yet to be realized.

I frequently click on the blogger icon on my browser window and upon starting to sum up the happenings of my life I get overwhelmed and give up. " Next time", I think.

I have come up with a solution to remedy this. I will begin writing less as a narrative of what's happening RIGHT NOW, and more as a window into the short stories that have made up recent times.

I just got back from a two-week tour and, to try to sum that up in one post is complete and utter nonsense. So, I'd rather go back and recall one snippit at a time and trust that chronology is not as important as significance.

I think we can all agree to that. I do need a way to release these bits os life so that I am forced to dig back through time and stress to remember them as fully as possible. I feel like sometimes, if things aren't shared, they're wasted. No, I'm not referring to our compulsive Twitter tell-you-what-I-had-for-breakfast-every-day world. I'm talkin the life that those little events accompany.

Here's to starting anew! And look- its NOVEMBER? Jeez. Look out 2011.

Until next time,

Carly

Don't mess with Texas!

2010-09-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

Did you know that that slogan came from a littering campaign? It did. My pal Kelley told me that and show knows everything so... I think its probably true.

I just got back from my first ever solo trip, which was also my first time to Texas.

I was in the massive state for about 3 and a half days and had all kinds of strange fun.

My plane touched down to Waco and I did what I'd never done before- got a rental car all on my own, checked into a hotel on my own, and took to the "town". The drive from the airport to the hotel left me in a jubilant fuss. "OH!! ITS THE SOUTH!! LOOOK AHH!H!!!HH!! I'M IN TEXAS! OAK TREES! AHHH FIELDS! BRICK BUILDINGS! BRIDGES OVER WACO COUNTY!"

It all was very L.A. I looked around and literally said to myself " This is what the south looks like in movies!" . *Sigh. What a rookie. What a city-slickin rookie.

I got there a day early thinking " Yes, Carly. You will explore the city, get a feel for the people, and soak in all that is Waco."

As it turns out that's not a whole lot. I checked into my hotel and did a loop around the common areas... NOT A SOUL! I didn't see anyone. It felt Shining-esque and creepy. Then I thought, where can I find a bunch of people to watch? I looked up downtown areas which... kind of don't exist and the closest thing I could find to a stroll downtown was a stroll through ( drumroll) The Mall. I know, weird choice, but the whole place felt like a ghost town so I wanted to go where I assumed people would be.

Everything was different there than in L.A. Here are some I noticed:

1) They serve styrafoam everywhere! Its literally ILLEGAL in santa monica

2) Subway doesn't have avocado here... infact... its almost unseen anywhere! We are so spoiled, Cali.

3) They can get away with really Jesus-y things. Our culture in California receives culturally Christian things as totally tacky. I do, actually. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Jesus. However, those shirts that say " Jesus Pieces" instead of Reeses or...

Make me crawl in my skin. Yuck.

4) What is a V-Neck? Nobody knows here. I looked like the village bicycle sporting a V. In Los Angeles, that's all you ever see!

5) What is a vegetarian? Folks, this is not a good town to try vegetarianism. All you will eat is deep fried vegetables and crappy salads. A woman asked me what it was like to be a veggie as if she were asking someone " What was it like to be probed by aliens?". Her eyes were glazed over with pure terror. Priceless.

6) Traffic doesn't exist.

7) Movies are cheap as all get out.

8) Nobody looks like hippies.

Ok, I could go on and on but you get it. Its different. Different is fun, I think!

There WAS one place that I felt at home.. No, better than at home. Common Grounds coffee shop. This coffee shop made no sense in the context of the rest of the Waco, Tx. Its artsy, tasteful, full of hipsters, well decorated, and, well, COOL.

I jotted down notes and sketches of all the neat installation type decor like an inspired inventor.

Ps:

In order to fit in as a girl here you must be wearing a) short athletic shorts, b) flip flops, c) a cool fleece and or college t- shirt and c) well groomed hair face and nails. I sauntered into the coffee shop with messy hair, a beanie, skinnies, toms and a pea coat. I might as well have been wearing a chicken suit.

The rest of the trip was filled with great music, brilliant speakers/ thinkers, and a life-shaping conference. I got to enjoy David Crowder's Fantastical Church Music conference. I could try to recap that but, this blog is already long enough. I will start blogging again. I will.

Until next time,

Yeehaw.

2010-09-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

" I need to find my reset button"

I've been saying this for the past few days. What does that mean exactly?

You know on most electronic devices, when things get cloudy and confusing and it freezes or malfunctions there is always the option of re-setting the whole thing.

You hold a button down usually and with a little recharge things slowly return to the way they were supposed to be.

I had found my personal button when I lived in Thousand Oaks- it consisted of listening to " The Trapeze Swinger" by Iron and Wine and cruising Portrero road for as long as it took to get my smile back. The truth is- Jesus is my reset button. I have never felt fully alive outside of his grip and outside of being with him but... Sometimes it takes a special outing of sorts to get me to a place where I can breathe like a human again... where I can listen and re-learn to BE without the cloudyness of worry and doubt.

Since moving to Santa Monica I haven't quite found a reset button for myself. What will it be? I am determined to find a happy place. Its a little harder amidst the city but... I will find her.

May you find peace this Wednesday,

Carly

Is this real life?

2010-08-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, blogland, its true. After days, weeks, months and what feels like eons...

I am begrudgingly climbing back in the saddle.

I don't really have a new wave of profound or interesting things to say but I do need a way to process and I think this might help. Why? I don't know. Blog mystery. Plus, there's a bit of free creative space in this ol' life- but we'll get to that later.

I have just returned from what's becoming my annual trip to Young Life's Woodleaf and I feel like I just woke up from Oz... I've been home for two weeks and it really legitimately feels like " What happened? Did that just happen? Where am I? Why? What?" every morning as I wake up.

It hit me today that no, I'm not in neverland anymore as I spent over 4 dollars for a small carton of blackberries that were sub-par at best. Meanwhile, for the first three months of August, I picked these EVERY MORNING:

What you see here are abundant- sun ripened fresh blackberries that grow around camp pretty much everywhere. Most years I am at camp running around like a wild stallion of humor and I often don't realize how wonderful it is to be up there until I'm surrounded by concrete again. This year was different. I made a decision from day one to be a little brown sponge and soak every bit of non-Los Angeles-ness ( say that 5 times fast) I possibly could.

This included jaunts through wooded glens ( I'm not making this up, there were glens.. they were wooded...) laying flat on my back underneath the night sky which... For a suburb turned city gal was almost surreal. I kid you not, EVERY night... at least 7 or 8 shooting stars, crystal clear, with tails that seemed to drag on forever. I breathed in really deep... the kind of breathing they display in Folgers commercials- except- this breath was full of forest, not crappy coffee. My knees were bruised, my legs were filthy, and my heart felt home. I have been going to this very camp for 9 years now and it never gets old.

Creation- naked and unashamed- taken far from streetlights, Starbucks and traffic NEVER ceases to amaze. I don't know where I'll end up planing my " roots" but, I hope its near some trees.

So, I feel a little disoriented because I left a day earlier than everyone else I was serving with. That means I missed out on the big night of good times and reflection. Imagine getting away in the wilderness with 15 people who you don't know all that well... Imagine living with them for a month straight, working hard all day and night alongside them, learning them, laughing and weeping with them, seeing miracles happen together- imagine the kind of bonding that goes down in that time... then imagine in a matter of an hour landing in LAX without the chance to say goodbye to them nor the chance to sit back and decompress together after running a hard race. I live far from each of these folks and I feel unsure of how to move forward with my normal home life because I feel like that was all just a dream or something.

Good grief I miss being there. I have an unusual set of uh, skills... that include : being loud and directing lots of people at a time, getting onto a stage in front of hundreds of people and feeling unusually comfortable with interacting with them, and acting like a fool with many different accents, characters and impressions without the slightest care about how others might think I'm foolish or absurd... I know I'm foolish and absurd, and its fun. The fact that I get to do these things every day and watch them make like... a REAL positive impact on hundreds of lives is... Is just silly. Its so good its silly.

I mean, lets not get into how great it is to do those things in the middle of a beautiful forest alongside wonderful people who become family in a short amount of time... I mean lets not even go there. Its crazy.

I love home though. Jon Calmes lives here, my biological family, my Santa Monica family, friends etc etc. Its wonderful. However... Its not the same and though the grass always seems to be greener, I am indeed missing me some camp. It was a beautiful time and I am beyond thankful.

Phew! Now that thats over... I can start blogging again. I have ideas, people. Dreams. I will share them with you and I hope they make you laugh and shake your head saying " That girl is a cuckoo bird but, darnit she's entertaining"

May you all find beauty in your today. That sounded like a fortune cookie. A bad one.

OkOk, so lets say...until next time, may you find family and beauty everywhere you are.

I'm cheesy and I don't care who knows it.

Peace,

Carly

Is life not more than the body?

2010-07-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

Raw confession time. I'm fed up with something and I figure that it might be worth sharing cause I'm certain I'm not the only one.

Ranty ranty ranty...

Since the days when I was eating nothing but rice beans and veggies and training for the half marathon, things in my body have shifted. I put on a couple pounds as I should have cause that was whacky.

Here's the lame part. I've started to go to the no man's land of my soul that eagerly desires to be told once again by my family and friends that Ive lost weight and blah blah blah.

Growing up I was sort of, different. I grew up in suburbia and all my friends were skinny white girls who I just.. I wanted to look like. I have a latina ass and I'll never ever be one of those people who are naturally thin. Its not in my genes ANYWHERE. I'm ok with this on 9 days out of ten but for some reason, the teasing I got when I was little ( it happened) sticks with me now.

Its amazing how we let things that happened when we weren't even a formed person carry into who we are today.

So anyway, here's what the crap cycle tends to look like in my life: I am so busy that I can't work out and I instantly become so frustrated with myself that I let my attitude bleed into the areas of REAL LIFE I'm spending my time on and then I just... am wretched. I'm not as easy to get along with, I don't enjoy people as much, I get jealous of everyone else, I feel unproductive, incapable and I get frustrated with myself for being so frustrated with myself. Holy whoa.

The strangest part is... its not even real. What I mean by that is... This strange desire to look a certain way is completely deceiving. Here's what I mean...

A week or so ago I was talking to a good friend of mine. She is amazing and a super atheletic girl. She just completed a tri-athalon and is a buff ass chick. Her body is such a powerful instrument and it just got her through a damn TRI-ATHALON I mean, whoa. But, she still wishes she looked different. She's perfectly healthy, strong, desired by her loving husband and she's at peak training condition. We were talking about how no matter what, we never feel quite right with our bodies. How we often look back to a time in our lives at the high point of our athletic conditioning and wish we could go back there but... Sister, when we were back there we still weren't content with ourselves.

When I was in high school I became obsessed with my body image. I was working out like, 3 times a day and I felt guilty with everything I ate and really... I didn't know how bad it was until all my friends stopped calling. My best friend had to sit me down and tell me that... nobody wanted to hang out with me cause all I could talk about was how " Fat" I was. This is me in high school at that time( In the red):

Sure, I'm not a rail but I was a super strong soccer playing badass summabitch at the time and like I said, impossible genetically unless I was killing myself. Which, praise God I wasn't. Anyhow...

I'm speaking to the ladies right now- there's no more time for this. I am so, SO over it. I've tried to get over it a million times in my life and dammit I'm gonna fight for it again and again.

Cause here's the truth... Skinny isn't all that its cracked up to be. Your body is a temple yes, but if the temple just looks pretty but is void of real full joy because of how hard its working at being beautiful... well its no temple at all.. Its just a building. An empty building.

I don't want to overlook the blessing and fullness of life because I feel like I don't look good anymore. What a waste of the richness that surrounds me it is when I'm face to face with opportunity and all I can think about is how guilty I feel that I haven't run in a couple weeks or how I ate that pizza last night?

My boyfriend Jon is amazing at reminding me that no matter what I probably won't be where I'd ideally want to be physically so instead of working to look a certain way, I should work hard to become content in any circumstance.

When I look back at the most blissful times in my life they weren't when I was looking fabulous... they were when I didn't care. I was convinced that being adored by God was more than enough and that nothing else really mattered. Life is much more than the bodies that carry it.

I pray over all the beautiful women in my life and for myself that we become completely FREE if any burden of looking any particular way. That we find beauty within ourselves and celebrate the BLESSING of capable bodies no matter what they look like.

Sorry, I had to get that out. I hereby vow to do everything in my power to focus on what's REAL... On real life, not on the falsity of some body image we desire.

Typical.

2010-06-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Its so funny how gung ho and convinced I was that I'd have free time to spend on consciously

going on adventures AND free time to blog about said adventures.

Really it had to be one or the other. I don't have internet at home, you see. So my blogging has to be during my work hours, which are super swamped.

I spoke wayyy too soon. Life HAS been full of mini adventures though. I think. I've been keeping myself accountable to uh, leaving the house and doing something cool daily. I think I just might not have realized that that's how I live my life anyway. I'm surrounded by a huge community of people who come in and out of our apartment at all hours of the day and night with wonderful plan ideas and invitations. I am a part of leading a ministry in a super pivotal time for my church. ( Which means 4 or 5 different meetings or so per week for vision, planning, business and accountability). I am in the throws of leaving for camp which means putting together costumes, recording a new album, and planning out all kinds of details. I am a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding coming up so I've got bridesmaidy things up the wazoo. I'm still in a mildly long-distance relationship with a handsome gentleman. I have shows to play.

When did I think I had free time? Silly goose. What a silly silly goose.

Life's been full.

I'm currently in the studio recording the new EP... well, its in between an EP and a full length. Anyhow, I am working with a fantastic producer and real session musicians and its so freaking cool. Its costing me an arm and a leg but it should because its high quality!

So I'm booked solid until September. I was laughing the other day cause I saw this dude casually walking into a restaurant and I was heatedly jealous. I literally said " Look at him, just walking into a restaurant for a nice evening with friends... probably nothing stressful to do afterwards... just going for a meal... PFPLSFIE" cause literally every hour of my life is TAKEN.

That's just plain old sad. I would update you with all the other stuff that's going on but... too bad. I need to get back to the tunes.

PEACE

Whoa, anyone still read this?

2010-06-01T18:04:00.000-07:00

OH you guys.

I'm deeply sorry its been so long. You know when you've put something off for so long that you just don't care about it anymore? That's where I'm at. Right. Now. But alas, I committed to not let this blog go so I will begrudgingly post!

I've had uhh, not much time for anything. I'm working around 55 hours a week vs. the 20 or so I was before the past two months.On top of that, we haven't had internet at home for over a month so, all my time I spend on the internet is at work which means I'm cramming personal, professional etc. into one time gap. So hard to do!

Let me catch you up to speed before sharing some exciting blog news!

- I'm off of the Boys and Girls club until September. They asked me to take the summer off and I'm pretty excited to remember how to breathe! I love this job but I've sort of felt burnt out in the past few months with everything going on so this is a welcomed break

- Things are moving forward swimmingly with camp this summer. I'm doing skits as the character " Snackie" who is a Snookie mockery... then as " Raquel" the President of woodleaf's Glee club, Gleaf. Soo excited about that one.

- I did my first photo shoot in quote a while. Here's a couple of snaps:

- We had our first women's retreat for Risen in Big Bear! It was so refreshing to be in the wilderness again... I've definitely been in L.A. for too long now without any woodsie breaks. I'd like to do it again but have NO responsibilities next time. I got to lead the group in worship a few times per day and that on top of cooking and stuff left me sort of always DOING which... was mostly my fault and the opposite of the intention. However, it was a really sweet time getting to know the girls and having time meditating in the woods, doing private yoga sessions crafted specifically for us and living communally in a cabin for a few days. I want to be back there!

- My thumb that i previously thought was BROWN, is actually quite GREEN!!! WEE! I have tomatoes, basil, squash and flowers growing wonderfully on my stoop :) yes yes YEESSsssss

- I got the chance to see the new Disney show, World of Color... Honestly, the most spectacular manmade thing I've ever seen in my life. Tears. I had tears because it was so awesome! If you have a chance, go see. If the Bellagio watershow had a baby with Fantasmic and that baby grew to be a giant who did acid.... this show would still be more impressive than that baby. Haha... those who have seen should understand that.

- I got a new roommate! It was actually kind of a sad and weird event- she moved in because Christina moved to Haiti. Another bittersweet event. Nonetheless Chelsea is great. I rarely see her because she's engaged and appropriately spends a lot of time with her fiancee and is at work most of the other time but... I like her!

I guess that's pretty much all I got for now as far as updates go..

So here's what I decided... Since I'm so burnt out on this right now, I need to try something NEW.

And that new thing is... Daily Adventures.

I have just been given a huge gift.. well, more like 35 gifts of time. I basically get to choose my hours for my job as the worship leader of our church and therefore I get to choose my days. SO I have decided to NOT waste my time for once. I want to make a commitment to go on an adventure every day. One per day at least... they can be anything from something big to something as simple as a new coffee place. I just want to really take advantage of this time I've been given and not let myself do what I usually do... burn out and let things slip away.

So tomorrow is day one... of my Daily Adventures.

lets just see how it goes!

Annnnd that's kind of it.

Who actually stays up for 20/20 anyway?

2010-05-19T14:26:00.001-07:00

Tell me what you think of in your mind when I say in sequence the letters " T.G.I.F."...If you think of sub-par american cuisine or the famed expression that only your mom and aunt say after a half-box of chardonnay then you, my friends have missed out on an unforgettable treasure.

You see, when I hear " T.G.I.F" I immediately think of...

Not to mention the occasional...

And

Due to my inability to speak and my lack of internet access at home, I have been watching more Boy Meets World than I know what to do with ( I have the whole series on DVD, of course).

It reminded me of how grand it was when the Friday night lineup was on. Friends would get together, eat junk, release our elementary/middle school stresses... and relax as sitcom after sitcom reminded us of how funny "real life" can be.

I decided to propose to a few friends a night of re-living T.G.I.F. Pizza, PJ's, the lineup... The endless marathon of fun!? I will continue to gather my resources and plan the extravaganza. It might take place a few times seeing as I have a few diff. groups of friends who are interested.

Ps: How much of a bummer was it when 20/20 came on? I mean come on! Could they have ended the night with something a little more pleasant say, FRIGGEN ANYTHING ELSE?!!!

Sorry... I just never liked hearing Barbara Walters after being absolutely burst open at the seams from laughing so hard at Mr.Cooper and his wild antics.

*Sigh.

So this morning I broke my silence. It was nice to chat and pray with my dear friend Evy but.. I must confess I missed my solitude- AND my voice started to hurt real bad. So, I went back to silence. Ahhhh, back back back. Resting mah CHORDS!

Hopefully by tomorrow they'll be nice and ready for another weekend of singing.

Here's to LOTS and LOTS of throat-coat tea and more silence.

Peace,

Carly

Stop to smell them...

2010-05-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

I know this is sort of cliche but, I don't care.

Today I was really stricken by flowers. Yes, flowers. Maybe it had to do with the fact that "Utmost" this morning was about them:

" Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin”— they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars, and the moon— all of these simply are as well— yet what a ministry and service they render on our behalf! So often we impair God’s designed influence, which He desires to exhibit through us, because of our own conscious efforts to be consistent and

useful. "

Based on Matthew 6:25-30 :

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeOr single cubit to his height

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28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? "

It really is a beautiful little bit in Matthew. Jesus is talking to the masses telling them to stop worrying... To stop trying to earn something or predict their lives or be in control... To look at the flowers, how beautifully they are dressed- God loves us so much more than PLANTS and therefore, why do we worry? Such a sweet reminder. "

Anyhow, I was in Whole Foods snagging a few things and I

meandered over to the flowers like a moth to a flame... I was put in a state of TOTAL awe. I guess we should be in awe of things like this but they become normal.

What a tragic reality. THIS is normal to us:

There's so much that's extraordinary about them... The endless colors, shapes, sizes, designs and patterns..The way they grow against the gravity heavenward... the fact that they smell so sweet and fill the air with fragrance.

Ahh, may we not allow the remarkable to become mundane. May we have eyes to see and ears to hear all the beauty, the UNNECESSARY beauty that engulfs us. We will be swallowed whole by it if we allow ourselves to be.

Day two of silence has been grand... I think I might try to do this for the rest of the week until the evenings ( I have certain unavoidable engagements). Maybe I'll try just talking when its necessary- WHAT A THOUGHT!! I blab so much just to fill space... I've enjoyed having that space back. I've enjoyed remembering what silence feels like and HAVING to feel it without splattering meaningless words all over the blank canvas of quiet.

I suggest experimenting with silence exercises. Its challenging! I'm trying to think of ways to incorporate this into my routine.

I always think of Maya Angelou.

When she was growing up her mother's boyfriend raped her. She finally told someone and he ended up getting executed. From that she learned that her words were SO powerful, that they could bring life or death... so she took a massive ( I believe years and years) vow of silence to try to learn the value of words. She was completely mute from the time she was 7 to about 13 years old. When she broke her silence her words dripped off of her tongue like honey, full of intentionality.

I want that. I am such a chatty loud human being, but I long to be one of those sage-like people who choose their words carefully... Maybe the only way to do that is a discipline of silence. Hm.

That's all for today. Grace and peace.

-Carly

Ps: Next time you are outdoors, take a minute to (literally) notice the flowers. Let them amaze you.

Jibber Jabber til its gawn

2010-05-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

First of all, go do yourself a favor and download " Dog Days are over" by Florence and the Machine.

It will increase the number on where you find yourself on the happy scale today. It will.

So its day one of silence... one of two, maybe more?

I nearly lost my voice this weekend. What, with singing Thursday night with Jamie at the Hotel Cafe, Friday night at a show of my own, Saturday at worship rehearsal, sunday at church and every other day in the past month or two for one thing or another my voice just threatened to jump off a bridge if I didn't rest it.

It was like " I SWEAR I'LL DO IT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE"

I rushed toward it, waving my arms shouting " NO NO! DON'T I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!...TWO DAYS! TWO DAYS OF REST!"

It slowly backed down from the ledge ( cue "The Jumper" by Third Eye Blind. Aleece knows what I'm talking about)

And here we are. Its really really revealing to not speak. For starters, I realize I talk to myself ALL the time. I honestly think it helps me function cause without it today I felt totally scattered... everything was in my head and I couldn't tell myself " No, Carly focus, you need to finish this first" or " Carly, get out of bed there's a LOT to do today" etc etc.

Instead, I just stared blankly at my computer screen for way too long as I wondered what the hell to do with my hands.

Anyhow, the past week has been great aside from wrecking my vocal chords. As I mentioned earlier, I got to perform with Jamie Drake at the Hotel Cafe. For those outside L.A. this isn't significant but, if you know the scene out here the Hotel is where its at. Everyone who's anyone plays here or is in the circle of artists who do. It was just cool to be on their stage. I would love to perform my own tunes there someday and I don't doubt for a second that I can do it... For now its just cool to meet people there and be able to see what its like from the other side of the mic.

Friday night I played a really cool Haiti benefit show out in Santa Clarita. It was intimate and fun and its just been a while since I got to play a little show like that with people I didn't know at all. It was a blessing! But alas, it was the first day of my voice hurting like crap ... I sang anyway, probably not wise.

In other news, P90X is kicking my arse. Its not a very well crafted workout system but.. I am indeed working harder than I have in a while in the strength training department. I'm not taking it super seriously since I haven't felt 100 percent in a while but... it actually feels good to remember what soreness feels like! I miss running though. I will need to start back up with that as soon as I have some energy back.

Ahhh... " When I have energy back" . Sounds so tangible doesn't it? Hmmm...

Hey, here's a couple of cool things before you go:

1) I got selected alongside 7 other artists to have my music featured on a website and on a free compilation for licensing etc. Kind of neat. you can find it here: http://www.nfinansemusic.com/artist.php?artist=carly_escoto

2) My album is FINALLY up on CD Baby.com. It only took a YEAR. You can actually buy physical copies now, not just on itunes. Bluhh

That's all for today. More tomorrow.

Paz!

Carly

"Bring it!"

2010-05-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

Day one.

I can hear you now " Oh no, rice and beans again?"

NO, silly. P90X! Its all the rage around these parts and I decided to see what its all about. No I don't think I need an extreme work out plan because I think I'm obese.. I just do better with exercising consistently when I have some kind of program or deadline to stick to. Hence why the half-marathon was the only way I would have ever run as much as I had. So my homegirl Bekah and our friend Robin and I are doin it! ( Alone with Kelley, Rikki, Cynthia, and Amber.. whoa!). I don't know if I'm gonna stick to it religiously... like somedays I'm sure I'll run instead of doing one of the cardio workouts but... in general I plan to stick to it.

*Sigh what else what else? I apparently DON'T have a green thumb. My little tomato plant is looking pretty pathetic these days. I went to OSH to try and find some stuff to bring it back to life but uh.. so far no success. I'm a little bummed out but... Maybe.. JUST MAYBE, it will come back to life.

In other news:

Off for a great weekend of date night with Jon, Mother's day celebrations and having a night off of being in charge of worship. :)

Love Love Love

-Carly

Humble pie in the face

2010-05-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

Almost every day for the past couple of months I've come to a point where I find myself COMPLETELY peeved at work. You know why?

Because I basically work 8-7 everyday and for a lot of those hours I'm sitting on a computer taking care of bidniss. For the last 4 hours of it I am pretty much stuck inside a small room with a computer and a lot of my time is spent mindlessly figuring out stuff to do on the computer whilst kids are rattling away in the studio room.

Yesterday I felt like I was rotting in my swivel chair. Every minute I spent sitting at work I got more irritable. Every kid that came in turned into a pest no matter what they did. I let it get to me.

I kept saying over and over " I can't SIT here any more! I'm so sick of just SITTING here!"

When the clock struck 7 I was out the door. I hopped on my beach cruiser and started off on my ride home in the warm Santa Monica air and about halfway I was stopped in my grouchy tracks when to my right I saw a man completely paralyzed in a wheelchair.. it looked like he probably had a severe case of Cerebral Palsy, which, if you haven't been around it is pretty much limited to...this:

I smiled at him passing by on my bike, but right after that my heart sunk into my chest. I immediately began apologizing to the God I basically told wasn't sufficient for me to find joy at work...I spent the rest of the ride silent and humbled. I moved my neck around, rotated my wrists..kicked my legs out one by one and started singing a song of thanks.

What a jerk I can be. Again and again I forget what a gift it is to move. To have life. I by no means believe that those with severe disabilities don't have LIFE or the capacity for it but, damn.. Complaining for hours over having to sit for really what is a short time daily then passing by a man who sits in a chair ALL THE TIME, without a choice ON MY BICYCLE was nothing short of a wakeup call.

I am blessed . I am blessed. I am BLESSED.

I remember one time I was at a Young Life camp up in British Columbia and there was this other 20-something leader there who was just.. CRAZY! I mean, he was such a total spaz- jumping at every opportunity he had to do something absolutely bananas. Kids loved him, some were confused by his constant enthusiasm... It was almost exhausting watching him live so loud.

Stricken by his energy, I took a moment with him one day to ask him what his deal was. I asked:

" So dude, You are totally nuts. I love it. Have you always been so uh, excited?"

He, with a dead seriousness in his eyes, replied-

" No. I used to have a pretty normal existence but then one morning I woke up and was paralyzed from the neck down. I couldn't move. I couldn't even get out of bed... I was terrified and it was completely random. Doctors were baffled. But the next day I woke up and I had all my ability back. It was a strange miracle... but from that moment on I haven't wasted a SECOND of my life or energy. I want to use my body to move and to dance and to be crazy because... for a moment I lost it.. and now I appreciate it. "

After we all picked up our jaws from their places on the floor we thanked him for his story and welled up with inspiration. From that moment on nobody scoffed at his wacky ways. Instead we were reminded by him to appreciate whatever abilities we had and to live like we meant it.

Yesterday's moment reminded me of that guy's story... and again reminded me that... my bad aint so bad.

Well friends, I'm off for a RUN. And I'm excited.

"I wanna watch you do your pilates..and skip the hard part".

2010-04-30T11:31:00.001-07:00

What's this?

Young Justin Bieber is rumored to start attending highschool at *gulp*, MY Old highschool?

Oh, the delight! The SHEER delight! I told Jon to get on that. He does Young Life at that school. Look out, Thousand Oaks. We haven't had this much excitement since Kramer, Colbie Calliat or Marian Jones.

We're due for a slice of stardom.

Although, I'm a little concerned this will be the result of such tween heart-throbbedness entering into suburbia's safest city and potentially safest school...

Oh, the Biebz ( as Sarah says)

Truth be told I can't take the kid seriously. And what's more, I can't stand the way the kids I work with are creepily obsessed.

Anyhow, this weekend was a altogether pretty great. Saturday I packed in a worship practice from 1-3:30 then booked it right to Thousand Oaks to perform at Conejo Valley Days for all my family and local friends. It was kind of awesome. The audience sat on hay.

Hay.

And from every angle there was ride noise.. you know that set of sounds that can only be experienced at a carnival? The clack clack clack of the tracks, the hissing of whatever cheap hydraulic system is in place for the ones that shoot up in the air... the screaming of clusters of children... the ding ding dings of the games?

Ohhh to get to sing over them was a joy.

It was honestly really fun to be able to perform with a full band of good friends for my friends and family, many of which " Had NO idea" that I did this... There were members of my family that said.." I honestly had no idea you were so talented".. Thanks? My Grandma cried. This time it wasn't from disappointment though, but pride. That felt good.

We spent to rest of the evening with Blue Moons and food prepped by Jon and I . After everyone left he and I saw "How to Tame Your Dragon" which...

I LOVED. LERVED LOVED LAWVED IT.

In Classic ME fashion I forgot it would be in 3D and wore my glasses... so I had to wear BOTH pairs of glasses and I felt like a real L7 weenie.

The rest of the weekend came and went so fast as time tends to do these days. And now I'm back to wanting to lock myself in my office, turn the lights off and hide from the Bieber fever stricken 9 year olds that yell at me everyday. Yayyyy!

That's all for now, loves.

Oh dear

2010-04-26T16:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Wednesday Bloggies! Bloggettes...Bloggenz...hm Friends? YEAH

This weekend was the most weekendish I've had in a loooong time. By that I mean there were moments where I said to myself.."*Gasp*! I'm not doing ANYTHING constructive for work!?"

Saturday morning Cynthia, Bekah and I visited my old pal Bob at Le Grande Orange ( restaurant he baristas at ). Holy buckets. They have incredible breakfast! I had a good solid breakfast sandwich but I tried my roommate's french toast and just about lost my mind. I don't even like french toast! This kind was made of the softest brioche ever and its edges were perfectly crisp and caramelized. Topped off with fresh whipped cream? Yes yes.

After that we decided to head to the thrift stores. I must say, its been a long time since I've shopped at all much less at thrift stores ( my fave) and I freakin SCORED. Check out the finds!

Obsessed with this Theory dress.(See Above)

That evening we had a lovely time full of pasta, vino, chocolate and "Guesstures". I had such a blast with some ladies that pretty much NEVER come over. It was good to be with people who aren't in the usual social circle around 18th street. I loved every minute :)

Sunday was crazy! I guess it was just in God's plan for everything to go wrong that possibly could at church last night on the technical aspect... I think sometimes he lets things get crazy in my life so that I can learn how to trust myself and Him in the heat of the moment. That's exactly what happened last night. I walked into church and from minute one everything technologically went haywire . At the end of the long list of things that broke, went missing or malfunctioned we ended up not being able to plug anything in at all. So I had to think on my toes and it ended up being pretty fantastic. I directed traffic and put together ragtag band assignments at the last ( and I do mean last) minutes. We sang and played totally acoustically at the top of our lungs and it went great.

Afterward I got to go to diddy reese ($1.50 for an ice cream sandwich. Two cookies any kind you want and a scoop of ice cream any kind you want. Amazing) with some good pals including my friends Cat and Stef who are visiting from Wales.

and then Jon came back from being out of town for the weekend so I got to spend some good time chatting with him. All in all a great night, I say... what's more, all in all a great weekend!

Yes yes. Ps: People from Wales, Germany and southeast england ( my friends last night) don't naturally use the phrase "Eat it" (referring to someone falling down)... So, if you're ever with european friends you might need to explain that a bit. Also- if you say " pants" they think you're talking about underwear... Say "trousers" instead.

OH, and do this if you want to make your day better:

Cat and Stef are just about the cutest and most creative couple around. They made this "Short and Happy Film"

http://www.thtlb.co.uk/

Directions once you get there:

- Go to the link,

- go to "Work" and then to " In House" then to " Short and happy film".

you will NOT regret it

Well that's about all I have for you RIGHT this moment. Other than boasting in my new heirloom tomato plant. I shall call him Thomas. The Tomato.

Just got paid, Friday night, party hoppin.. feeling right.

2010-04-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, I quoted N*Sync. Yes I loved them. Yes I still have a thing for J.T.

Glad I got that off my chest.

Ok, today was just darn cute. I got to watch Zoe(almost 3) and Moses(1) who frequently appeared on here back in the day. I use to sit them every Monday but its gotten too difficult to lately. Fortunately I got to be with them this morning :)

First of all, we watched Ratatouille- does anyone else get insanely hungry while watching this? I instantly want good food and wine( when don't I?) . I think its kind of awesome that they drink wine the whole movie. Its.. Its weird for a kids film. But would it be accurately France without it? Nope.

Moment of the day:

Ok, so Zoe's dad is a pastor and its so cute cause she says the freaking funniest things that her mom and dad teach her. All things are true but.. she says them so matter of factly. For example- if you ask her if she needs make up she'll tell you SO confidently " No. I'm beautiful because God made me that way".

Uhhh, I'm still learning this and I'm 20 years older than her. Nice work to her parents haha..

So today she turns to me in the middle of the movie with DEEP conviction and says,

" Did YOU know.. that JESUS.. is ALIVE??"

I chuckled and said " Yeah!"

then she pointed across the room and said " He's RIGHT THERE!" where there was an illustration of Jesus hanging on the wall.

So good. I just threw my head back and cackled wildly.

For lunch I outdid myself a bit. I made a little rustic pizza type deal and it was freaking delicious. I got the idea from Health magazine but.. made it my own. Here's what I did:

Rustic Naan Pizza:

Ingredients:

- Garlic naan from Trader joes ( in the bread section of the store)

- 2 Tbsp Marinara sauce

-Sprinkle of goat cheese

- Mini heirloom or cherry tomatoes

-Fresh basil

-fresh wild arugula

- artichoke hearts

- olive oil

-Salt and pepper to taste

Here's how:

In a medium or small sauce pan sautee about a handful of arugula, choppd up artichoke hearts( about 1.5) and 5 or 6 halved mini heirloom tomatoes. Toss them around a bit in the olive oil adding salt and pepper. This should only be a minute or two so as to not make everything smooshy. Pre-heat oven to 350.

- Take one of the pieces of the naan and spread a tablespoon or two of marinara sauce. Take the veggies off of the burner and top your naan with them. Sprinkle goat cheese over the top ( along with a little bit of cheddar or mozzarella if you should so desire).

- Cook in the oven on a cookie sheet for about 15 minutes.

- Remove from the oven and sprinkle chopped fresh basil over the top.

- Stuff yo face.

There you have it, folks. I'm sure this can be switched up in a million different and delicious ways but, this is how I did it!

The naan was a great idea. The portion is perfect, too. I really am on the side of pizza not really needing much cheese.

Oh, just to share- here are some things I've been really enjoying lately that you should check out :

1) The Marriage Ref- SO ENTERTAINING. If you haven't heard of it it's basically this: A panel of celebrity judges ( Madonna, Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Jerry Seinfeld..etc) review an issue that a married couple is having. Typically, the couple is having a ridiculous dispute over a couple of things she insists on something he thinks is crazy- he responds with insisting something she thinks is crazy. They both plead their case and the judges get to decided who wins. Its so entertaining. Ahh...

2) The new season of GLEE- Don't get me started. Don't EVEN get me started.

3) The Local Natives. Its a band. I'm really really diggin their style.

4) Tax Returns. Ok so that's not really in the vein of new things I've enjoyed but hell, I'm enjoying mine.

Anyhow, this weekend should be a real treat. I'm hoping it warms up! The cold makes me an A-hole. (Ew) I'm goin for a long(er) run tomorrow and hopefully having breakfast with some legit ladies.

Adios blogland.

Bumpits, trumpets.

2010-04-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

You know something? Eve's a real jerk. She messed up my whooooole Tuesday. ( Shout out to Erika)

OK just from 5 am to like 10 am. And right now.. ughh.

Moving on! I officially get to invest in a bumpit.

Yes, the "stylish" sensation making women around the country look absolutely ridiculous will be making me look ridiculous this summer. And I'm excited- I got to meet with my program team for this August today and one of my program characters is mildly inspired by Jersey Shore... my hair is going to get bigger every time I walk on stage.. it will be GLORIOUS.

In other news, Tuesday night's show was a smash. I asked my homeboys Peter, James and Kevin to hop on stage with me right in the moment and play a couple of songs.. They, of course, were seamless. It was a lot of fun. I think my 90's R&B medley was DEFINITELY the highlight. I also had a really really encouraging conversation with Peter. He's the main drummer for our church's band and had a hand in the decision making process for the worship position. He told me how relieved he was that I got the position and why all of the guys in the band made the decision they did. It was so completely affirming to hear from him and really... As a female leading a band of strong male musicians, it means a lot they they desire my leadership and trust it. I'm so blessed to be able to know and walk with the musicians I get to in this community... so much talent and such incredible heart.

I can't wait to look down the line and see where God has moved in this time.

You guys. I went to the most fantastic show last night. I went and saw Breathe Owl Breathe and I'd say it might have been the most enjoyable show I've been to in a long time-if not EVER. The whole audience turned into little kids dancing and laughing and participating in the moves and noises we were asked to do. It was just fantastic.

They have the most playful songs too- For example: One is about a Sabertooth tiger that's stuck out in the ocean in a glacier from the ice age that gets thawed- complete with sabertooth tiger hand movements during the chorus like so:

There's another that's about a warewolf that starts shaving so he can fit in with his peers of humans- and his mother, also a wolf- walks in on him shaving.

Then there's always the song about swimming. The lead singer puts on goggles and the whole band wears capes. They had the audience go " whishwhishwishwish.." to sound like water during the chorus. Then the lead singer did splash motions as he sang the bridge which goes " You can splash me, I don't mind.. just not in the eye"

Doesn't that sound like a crapton of fun? It was. I recommend seeing them any chance you get!

That's all for today loves.

-Carly

She's got the whole world, in her stomach...

2010-04-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

My body is so confused you guys.

I just got done with a month of eating nothing but rice, beans and veggies- on top of it training for a half marathon. Then for a couple of weeks before the run I got to eat whatever I wanted so I stocked up on food like it was going out of fashion in the name of "replenishing" myself or "fueling" my run. ( Pasta pasta bagels bread etc etc)

And now I'm not doing anything- actually sitting for most of the day while I work which is killing me- and still eating like I'm fueling for a 13 mile run...

NOT GOOD, PEOPLE.

Problem is- I jacked up my hunger. I eat, then I take a break, then I eat summo. Must. Re. Start.

I think I might do a cleanse or something to re-learn how to be hungry without eating my weight in gnocchi.

NO, Not the master cleanse... one where you actually eat food and stuff.

In other news, my first bread making lesson is this Sunday. YES, I scheduled it. I am so excited. I know I know, It seems contradictary to all the stuff I just said about learning how to not stuff myself anymore but.. BUT.... I .. shhh..

Also, I've been thinking about doing this p90x deal. I'll wait til one of my 7,458 friends who's doing it stops so I can bum their DVDs but I really wanna try it. Maybe get up extra early to kick my day off with it. We'll see. I cannot stand the guy who leads it though. He has the ignorance of Michael Scott and the deuchiness of a highschool quarterback. No thanks.

So I decided to ask for a workspace at the church instead of working from home. I can't handle it. I mean, right now I can because one of my rommates works all day and the other is currently saving the world ( she's nursing in haiti, badass) but once that changes I'll be a total disaster. Plus, it might be kind of fun do decorate it? Hmmmmmm? Yes yes yes. I like that idea. I think it might help me not bring work home so much- even though my job is really hollistic.

Welp, that's all for today lovie loves. I have a show tonight that I'm not prepared for at all. Isn't that always how it goes?

(Cue Joni Mitchell)

" Don't it always seem to go..."

Joni Mitchell Never lies. ( Another song.. yikes)

Clearly, my chai is kicking in so I need to GO!

PAZ

Ps: One of my kids was wearing this today and I'm seriously considering stealing it... its got mickey on it! WITH EARSSSS

Obsessively compulsively disorderly

2010-04-19T13:44:00.000-07:00

Can one catch OCD like a cold? Is it cultivated over time? Does it appear around age 23?

I think I caught it. Maybe its a result of being such a disaster for so many years( seriously I'm PIGPEN) ... but all of a sudden things have to be a certain way for me to see straight. I noticed a couple things creeping in over the years ( the tag on my comforter has always needed to be at the bottom wall-touching side of my bed, etc.) But... it has become apparent to me that its gotten much much worse.

Perhaps its the result of NOT being in my parents house and currently working from home for the first 1/2 of my day?

Suddenly this:

Must be adjusted like this:

and this:

Must be like this:

Or I feel like this:

( Sub note on the image above: I literally googled "crazy person" and this was the first image result. I've been laughing for 15 minutes)

Maybe its one of those things where life is a lit more chaotic internally so externally I try to control chaos? Thats actually quite the possibility right now.

Maybe I need to leave the house more often? I talked to my pastor/boss/what? about maybe me moving into a workspace that ISN'T my apartment. yeah, That might be better for me all around.. also better for my roommates, bless their patient souls.

On a positive note I ran for the first time today in a WEEK! Whoa... granted, the last time I ran was the half-marathon and my body needed a rest especially coming home to the new job... but... It felt good to get moving again. I'm hoping to be able to keep in pretty good shape. We'll see -_-

That's all for today silly geese.

Green thumbs on flour hands

2010-04-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

Whoa. WHOA. This week has been unusual. I came home from my weekend away ( which you can read about in the last post) and became the busiest woman...

ON EARTH.

I started my new job this week and its been just FULL. Wednesday I had a 15 hour work day which was quite the reality check. I now have 4 jobs ( 3 paying, 1 volunteer). I then did what any disorganized human being would do when they realize they need to get it together...

I went to staples and spent my time and money finding tools to help me organize. My friend Aleece and I were laughing about it remembering how we would both do that before the school year started. We'd buy a new organizer, binder, pens etc. and think " yes, I'm a new woman this year. A woman on the move. A woman who will stay organized past September. Look out!"

Of course, an organizer doesn't actually organize your life when you remain living like a ball of mass confusion with no direction.

However, I have been satisfied with my new attempt at organization. I created a schedule for myself and everything!

It pretty much looks like this:

Wake up 7 ( unless its wednesday or monday, those days I have 7am meetings)
8-9 Devotion ( reading, prayer etc. I know it sounds fluffy but, one of my jobs is a Worship Director.. inspiration and discipline is key!)
9-11 Worship Tasks (emails, chord charting, meetings with team members, planning, administration etc)
11-12 Free ( errands, lunch meeting, exercise? etc)
12-Meeting of some sort ( with our pastor, my work staff etc)
1-2 Either personal music work ( booking, writing, practice, etc) or Young Life tasks( for camp planning)
3-7 Boys and Girls club
7-11 Either meetings, rehearsals or gigs.

So... there's not a lot of time in there for... like running or hanging out with people. I tried to include patches of time throughout the weeks for that ( yikes) but we'll make it work. Saturdays I sabbath ( until 6pm then I have worship rehearsals) and sunday I have church stuff mostly all day. ( From 3-10pm)

We'll see how it works. Its gonna be a great challenge because I will HAVE to sabbath on Saturdays and HAVE to do my devotions in the morning ( I will be a train wreck if I let that slide)

I recommend some time in everyone's mornings like this. Even if you're not spiritual or religious or anything- whatever your intention is for your days and for your life- its good to take time each day before diving into the deep end of the stress pool to center. To be. I SUCK at this.

I will learn this. I will I will.

So I decided I want to become one of those WOMANISH women. You know, those lasses that know how to live well and full? They cook and eat delicious food, drink wine with good friends, eat food from their own garden, have this wisdom that gives you the chills, have cool vintage stuff in their homes,create beautiful art, sing loud? Yeah yeah. I wanna be one of those ( ok so maybe I'm basing this on some women I know like this that I think are top notch)

Alright so I cook already. I uh, KNOW wine. I do the art thing. The music thing. However, I'm not quite there.

Two tasks have been added to my list recently: Gardening and making my own artisanal bread.

Why? Because dad gummit I want to not need Trader Joes or.. anywhere else for that matter. How much better does bread taste when its homemade? Or how cool is it when you can bite into a sandwich made with your own vegetables? COOL. All Caps COOL.

I've taken a couple of steps toward this goal which include the following-

Exibit A: Basil Plant

Exibit B: Bread Baking book , mentor included( Kelleyyyyy!)

So, I'd say that I'm on my way eh?

Until Next time!

13.1

2010-04-13T15:56:00.001-07:00

Jane Behrens: "Do you want a beer?"
Me : "YES...sorry"

On Sunday evening I didn't expect myself to say "yes" so rapidly but what could I say, I was relieved and ready to relax! Jane and Tim Behrens are the parents of my good friend and look-alike Jenny.See photo:

I had the privilege of staying with them for a couple of days up in Burlingame, Ca this past weekend. I had to opportunity to perform at a Young Life banquet for their area last night and sing songs, talk about life and hang out with some great people. But, lets take it back a day or two shall we?

This past Sunday, it happened. I survived my first half marathon! Yowza yowza yowza.

I can't believe I:
a) didn't get scraped off the side of the road after dropping dead
b) ran the whole time and
c) ran it in the time I did. I was training at a much slower pace and I was NOT feeling confident going into it- to top it off there were HILLS ( which I didn't train for) and 30 MPH winds!

I was way behind all of my friends ( I had 6 friends in the race!) but, it was personally the best run I've ever completed so, who cares?

The course was just- perfect. It was a little gloomy but- heck, I'd take the gloom over the forecasted downpour thatwe all expected! It didn't rain until the last mile! We all were going nuts convinced we'd be soaked the whole time for nothin!

So back to the perfect course. We ran along the beach cliffs for the first few miles which was just- incredibly picturesque, then through some fields of wildflowers, then through two farms ( chickens and all), and around a shrubby trail. I found each part uniquely beautiful and all of it was def. more scenic than I had imagined. During the last 4 miles or so the winds really picked up, like I said, to about 30 miles an hour. Waves were smashing onto the cliffs to the right spraying ocean water all over the runners. Nature was definitely keeping us company ;)

It was HARD. Yeah, I said it. As I ran I reflected on how often "Running" is used in scripture. I took a deep breath and got whisked away by Isaiah 40:31

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. "

Ahh, running and not growing weary. Sign me up!

Then I thought about brotha Paul, and how he was addressing his fellow believers as athletes illustrating how living out the good news is a hell of a lot like running a race.

I never really GOT this until this weekend. First off- I've always hated running and secondly- I'm not competitive so thinking about running races and running to win blah blah blah never clicked with me.

However, as I thumped along I started to draw some comparisons and found them virtually endless!

So here are a few of the ways I think we can learn from running- things that keep you going strong during races and in real life:

1) Its not about who's in front of you or behind you- Keep your focus on the finish line. Once you look behind you or ahead and let yourself get discouraged you just let the air out of your tires. If you keep your goal at the finish line instead of gauging your success compared to those around you you will undoubtedly enjoy your run about 100 times more and I believe you will run stronger and with more oomph!

2) Remain in the present. Don't gripe about how you've only gone so many miles and you have SO MANY more to go. Instead, just take it one stride at a time. You won't notice how exhausted you are nor will you be daunted by the task ahead. Not only will you remain more confident, but you will notice all the goodness in each moment ( like scenery, inspiring people in the race with you and even the tunes you're playing) which brings me to # 3...

3) Remain THANKFUL. I know it can be some people's thing to get caught up in the competition but- what I noticed in myself is that the less I worried about how I was stacking up and the more I was thankful for- OH I dunno- LEGS that work, healthy lungs, a strong heart, etc etc.- the stronger I ran. Joy= Strength.

4) Deal with your pain wisely. Know when its time to rest for a moment and when to press on. Also- its always better to have a friend to encourage you to do these things. To say NO to you and make you rest, and conversely to say YES you can- that this pain will not ruin you.

5) Have fun! It will fuel your soul and make those tough parts pass a whole lot quicker.

6) This is obvious but- Don't give up. Just. Keep. Running. The finish is worth it!

7) Refuel- There are several stations with water/powerade and Gu ( energy snack/ replenishing substance) and you HAVE to take them. You can choose to run past the opportunities to replenish yourself but it isn't wise and you might be heading for a total burnout! In real life- this looks like pouring into your soul. Refueling can mean taking time alone, resting, reading, writing, painting, etc. Pouring in so you can pour back out!

8) Pace yourself. Trust that you will make it to the finish- don't RUSH in fear of not coming out on top... don't act in fear.

Anyhow, those are just a few I thought of during the race. I will never forget the Santa Cruz Half Marathon and honestly I'd love to do it again next year but do even better! I recommend these things- not necessarily RUNNING, but committing to something that takes time and persistence and that seems crazy or impossible at first. You will surprise yourself. I know I did!

The rest of the weekend was just blessing after blessing. Staying with the Behrens' was perfect. They have the most beautiful home and such great soul. Tim and Jane took time to chat with me, let me rest, encourage me and I was so blessed. It was such a sweet moment walking into their home after the race and seeing the room I was staying in ( Jenny's old bedroom). Awesome bed, huge bay windows with the rain tapping perfectly. I quickly collapsed into a nap and then the rest of the weekend enjoyed the company of Jane and Tim and had a blast performing at their Young Life banquet.

That's about all for now, folks.

Paz,
Carly

SIDENOTE:

I need to share something fantastic with you all- Saturday night my friend Andrea's aunt made us a perfect meal which included this incredibly simple goat cheese penne. For most of you the mention of the "g" word perks your ears, gets your heart racing and your mouth watering. If so- this recipe is for you.

Here's what she did:
- Cook some penne ( enough for about 6 people)
- Drain pasta but keep the pasta water
- plop a log of goat cheese and a little bit of butter into a big bowl ( big enough to toss pasta in)
-add some of the pasta water to melt the goat cheese and make it stick to the pasta
-Toss in penne until cheese becomes a thick and rustic sauce
- add salt, pepper and any fixins you so desire!

It honestly blew us all out of the water. So simple! So tasty! So few ingredients! If you have ever tried to make a white sauce from scratch you know what a royal pain in the rear it is and this is a fantastic alternative!

She wears short skirts, I wear T-Shirts.

2010-04-06T16:53:00.000-07:00

En Contrare Ms. Swift- I've maybe only ever seen you in short skirts.

Well chil'ren, I'm back in action Santa Monica style after a simply delightful weekend in Washington with Jon's family. It was great to be up in the beautiful North West indulging in every kind of goodness... family, friends, food, drink,Easter celebration, etc. etc.

I literally gained 5 pounds from Jon's mom's food. Haha, it just makes me laugh. I went from eating only rice, beans and veggies to cinnamon rolls, crab cakes, gourmet appetizers, butter overdoses and gaggles of mac n jacks ( our favorite local beer). I felt like Violet in Willy Wonka...

To top it off I had no time to run and even if I did I probably wouldn't because it was 35 degrees and rainy outside... Nobody wants pneumonia before a half-marathon.

Speaking of which, the half marathon is in 3 days!! EEK! (Cue "flight of the bumble bee"). I feel like I kind of lost my gusto in training but... We'll just see about that come Sunday morning! HA! I'm counting on adrenaline, here. That and tons and tons of "Chocolate outrage" Gu.

So for now, I'm having to detox a bit and wind down. "Wind Down" is kind of a lie actually. SO much time and so little to do! Wait. Reverse that. ( Second Wonka reference? Hm.)

I wrote out a to-do list today... here's what I got so far:

#1

#'s 2 and 3

Is 65 an average number of tasks on one's personal list? Uhhh. *ehhem

In other news: I finished The Shack. Folks, this book is just downright beautiful. I'm gonna try reading it again but without breaking it up as much as the first time. I hate when that happens- you get into a book while life is hectic and you are forced to put it down and pick it back up so many times that the story feels disjointed? yeah. So yes, I recommend this book- its a great big illustration of some of the most forgotten, overlooked or mysterious aspects of God. It ultimately was a reminder of the truth that God loves my guts and that life is much much bigger than I know.

So, I've been trying to figure out my triggers. What I mean by that is- I'm trying to become extremely emotionally aware so that I can move throughout life more healthily and deal with what's REALLY going on instead of reacting to my reactions...
The past couple of mornings I've woken up in a daggum FUNK. I mean, I haven't been feeling all that low or anything but I certainly haven't been in a great mood. I've reflected on how I behaved and felt on the run I blogged about last post. There was a surge of joy that came from my belovedness and I was running on this mysterious joyful energy that was not physical, but spiritual and emotional. That was definitely not there today. Folks jogged past me this morning and all I could think about was how I felt out of shape or.. what I had to do next or.. how slow I was. I tried to punch my attitude in the face but, sometimes MAKING yourself smile feels weird. Not good weird. Weird weird.

As I narrowed down why I felt this way upon reflection I discovered it: my biggest emotional trigger- FEAR. Where was it coming from? ALL OVER! Let me count the ways:
- Landing this new job scares the crap out of me. I'm not sure of where to start.. how I'll do, etc.
- Uncertainty with my relationship ( everything is great but, when I go to visit his fam sometimes I get that "Where's this going" creep. Nothing at all against Jon or his awesome family)
- Uh, as stupid as it sounds I'm freaked out by all the earthquakes that have happened. I sleep in the top bunk of an old IKEA bed... our walls/ceiling are made of the crappiest plaster of all time... We're on the second floor.. and 18 blocks from the ocean ( tsunamis?)
- I'm scared of this half marathon. I just am! I've been training but on the past couple of runs I've not felt good at all. My knees are hurting, I'm tired early, my attitude clearly sucks and I just... don't feel strong? I dunno..
-Recording is scary! I'm not good with doing things that are... permanent. ( See point number two)

Oh there are more..

My point is, these little fears start to creep in and before I know it I'm paralyzed and I'm not living the full life I've been designed to. I must learn how to catch those fears earlier and earlier on so that they don't grow to be monsters!

In conclusion: Read The Shack, visit Seattle, become aware of what's really going on with you and take care of those things as quickly as humanly possible!

Also, here's a fun photo. While flying to Seattle I passed Jon a note..

It reads :
" Do you think I'm cute?
-Yes
- No
or -Maybe"

He responded with..."-Shit yeah"

Until next time!

Joy=Strength

2010-04-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have reached the pinnacle of my training for the half marathon ( according to the training plan I followed). I ran 10.5 miles this morning and from here its just little runs until the big day. I woke up and ate the most delicious thing I've had in 31 days: A cinnamon raisin bagel with crunchy peanut butter and banana on top. I cannot describe how delightful it was to have a solid breakfast like that, especially on a run day! Yes yes yes.

Rice and beans is OVER! I went to the store last night and bought a few things for today and was reminded of how much money I really saved with the challenge. I could have eaten for weeks on the money I spent.. ridiculous. Oh well! That's all part of this... to learn how to simplify. I found myself thanking God for the diversity in the food He put on the earth. So amazing, right? Golly.

Anyhow, this morning I ate my nice breakfast, read some scripture and The Shack ( which I'm now REALLY into. I wept so joyfully this morning reading it. WOW) and all of that put me in a GREAT mood for my run.

Ever hear someone say that it takes more energy to frown than to smile? I'm thinking they're correct. Not because of how much muscular energy you exert, but because of what you get back.

As I was running I passed every kind of person on the beach path and I smiled at every single one of them. Its amazing the genuine way that exchanging a smile with someone can fill up your tank! I couldn't help but think about each person... what has their day been like? How far have they been running/biking? Why did they smile back? Why did they NOT smile back? Its amazing how much brighter the world gets when you choose to be a joyful presence. So is it actually less work for one to smile? Maybe not- but the impact you make and the smiles you get back are so worth it.. and can replenish whatever energy you exerted loving the strangers you encounter. My favorite is the surprised smile back... like when someone's in the zone running toward you and working really hard- then they look up to you smiling at them and with a little bit of " What?" they smile back and you can tell... it made a difference.

I know that all sounds cheeseball and a little bit idealistic but I.. I don't care? Nope.

For reals, every time I had a smile exchange with a passerby I felt a jolt of strength shoot through my tired legs, each time pushing me forward. I only hoped it was the same for my brothas and sistas on the path.

Here are some snapshots of some of my favorite moments during the run:

Found myself singing " you have turned all my deserts into gardens" ...

As mr. wickham belted " When we arrive at eternity's shore..." I turned my head to see THIS...and my heart went bananas haha..

Mysterious crane sighting... gleaming white amidst the ground covering.

Aaaand the cutest old couple ever.. I stopped to get a shot of them before they knew I was taking the photo. Ahhh..

In conclusion... spend that little bit of energy being a presence of joy.. the return is priceless and you never know who you're blessing. Scripture says that Joy of the Lord is our strength... and I say Amen.

Peace,
Carly

Ps: What a shmorgasboard of a feast I had today! bagel breakfast, banana snack, tuna and crackers, veggie burger, veggie pizza? I promise tomorrow I'll slow down. yikes!

Oh, you guys.

2010-03-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon everyone!

I have made a decision.

Remember a while back when I was debating how to make my blog more specific? Well I think I figured something out. I will simply tell a story taken from each day. There are plenty of funny/beautiful/bizarre moments in each day to provide material for said structure and honestly I think it will be fun to pick out which moment or event to discuss. I don't do well with blogging about my whole life every time.

Its daunting and honestly, I wouldn't read it if I weren't me. Also, I think this will give me the challenge of slowing down. Not to mention, I'm hoping to be able to write entries in a more descriptive and eloquent way instead of a bunch of packed facts...

I will def. update you with other things if they're going on but I'm going to try and keep it to simple story telling...

That being said here are some business updates:

I got a phone call last week that told of something that would change my life dramatically.

Jon proposed over the phone.

Just kidding. Even saying that gives me the heeby jeebies, haha. No, what really happened is this- I was informed by my friend/pastor that I have been selected as the official worship leader of our church for the next year. That means organizing every Sunday, shepherding the worship team ( which for us is like 20 people), re-imagining the best way to lead our community in worship, and a whole lot of other responsibilities.

I applied for this position honestly thinking it wouldn't happen and kind of just because I love to worship God and I love to do so with my (spurr-tual) family... I'm SO honored and humbled to be offered the position. Honestly it scares the crap out of me but- its that kind of fear that you KNOW you can't give power... That kind that throws a tantrum in your mind screaming " NO I DON'T WANNA!! I'M TOO SCARED! I WANT TO RUN AWAY!".

Why? Why am I scared? If I'm honest, its because I know its going to change me. It will challenge me. It will be difficult and I will want to give up. It will stretch me in ways that I can't plan ahead for. At the end of this year- I will be different than I am now..

And I want to have grown in the ways that I know I will but- as a human- I don't want to go through the discomfort and challenge of actually being changed..

However... I am going to do it. The fear of it will have to be stripped away and tossed aside because... well because I say so. Because GOD says so.

Also- a paradox in my personality is that I want to be trusted but I don't want to be followed because that much trust freaks me out and I don't trust myself entirely.. I am going to have to learn to really LEAD. To trust myself. To be confident and sure of where I'm going. These are all things that need to happen anyway, right? Right.

Other than that, this weekend was a blessing due to Erika being out here. I probably said 17 times or so while she was here that I think her and her husband should just... move here. Family? Ministry? PUH! Who needs it! haha, I kid, I kid.. I would love it if they lived here selfishly but, for now I'm just glad to see a Soto whenever I can :)

Friday night's highlight was definitely laying in grass next to L.A.X. laughing uncontrollably with our friend Ally watching planes fly over us as they landed. Erika and Ally Stoltz are must-know people and I'm glad I can say I know them. I love people who love to laugh and to make each other laugh. *sigh.

OH OH! I almost forgot. Sunday night I attempted at running 10 miles after church because I needed to get a run in and I didn't want to while I had a guest in town. My run produces the weirdest string of events ever!

I was told that I could run from my apt. down to the beach , up PCH a bit and then back again and I mapped it out to be around 10 and a half miles. Perfect. I set out to do just that and.. first of all, I think the person that told me definitely meant to take the beach path ( its perpendicular to the highway but in the sand a bit...) but it isn't lit at night and Santa Monica is known for its homeless beach bum population so... I wasn't about to put myself into THAT situation.

So I ran as far as I could with cars whizzing past me at full speed with about a foot in-between us. Yikes. Then all of a sudden... No more sidewalk? What is this? Uhhh... I had about 3 miles left I was supposed to run so.. I just figured I'd go back in the direction from which I came and find another 3 miles elsewhere to add to the run. First, I had to stop and use the restroom ( which was covered in feces, I'll have you know). When I made it out of there I noticed a car in a parking lot next to me with two 20 something looking dudes and one of them started shouting something at me and running toward me... I took one headphone out and finally heard what he was shouting " CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!!".. What? He proceeded to run ahead of me at full speed for something like 1/4 mile... I was in no rush to catch him.. actually I was really freaked out that he was luring me somewhere next to a busy highway in the night.
When I finally caught up to him he raised his arms in the air like Rocky and shouted "I WIN! I WIN!".. "Good for you" I mumbled as I trotted past. I thought that was over and I just kept running without looking back, right up until I saw a shadow behind me. I whipped my head back and shouted " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?? STOP FOLLOWING ME!!" He said, eyes glazed over with intoxication " I just want to get to know you better". "WELL STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!". Again, he told me of his desire to become friends to which I said " STOP! Just STOP! I'm Training for a half marathon!". He finally left me alone but seriously? How does one think its a good flirtation idea to stalk a girl who is running by herself in the dark next to a busy highway? Puh leeeeeze!

After I found it difficult to shake the eerie "I'm not safe" feeling. I tried to focus on something positive when all of a sudden I saw a bright glowing ball of orange up ahead of me on the highway. As I got closer I saw the flames and realized that the ball was a car that was completely on fire. I mean, not just the front end, it looked like a freaking comet. The entire PCH was stopped. The fumes were wofting through the air which seemed pretty harmful so I tried to go around. This car was about to turn left onto the California incline ( for those of you who are familiar) and there's a way to get to the same place right before it. I tried to take that path to find a creepy male figure dressed in white standing facing me, when it saw me look up at it the guy dove back into the bushes. Right then I decided to uh.. NOT pass him by and dart the other way. WHAT WAS IT WITH THIS NIGHT??

The firefighters finally came, put out the flames and then sawed the car in half. I saw the girl who the car belonged to. She was about 16 and crying hysterically. She had just purchased the car. Ahhh teen drivers.

Anyhow.. the rest of the run was pretty normal but it took me about an hour to get past all the crazy obstacles. So weird right?

In my favorite news: TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF RICE AND BEANS!!!

Made it! 31 days of all rice and beans meals. Holy crap. I cannot wait to NOT have indigestion and a gross acidic feeling in my stomach. I cannot wait to fuel my runs with food that is actually good for running long distance!! Mostly I can't wait to give the difference. I don't know what exactly that money will do but... dad gummit I'm excited.

Ahhh.. I have to run 10 miles tomorrow morning but right after that- I am going to chow the frick down. I already know what I'm going to eat. Its called a "Brettsky". Its a delicious breakfast sandwich with fresh thick rosemary bread, cilantro, avocado, an egg over medium, vegan sausage, caramelized onion and pesto-veganaise. If you live in L.A. and you haven't had one of these yet you... you must. They are only available at Interim cafe in santa monica. Eat one. NOW.

Alright friends that's all for me today!

Peace on ya,
Carly

Roll away your stone, and I'll roll away mine...

2010-03-22T23:45:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted! Training is just plain old gnarly. I pretty much did 5 weeks of training in one week to try and catch up and my body has finally gotten crazy sore and tired. To top it off, eating rice and beans isn't really replenishing for the longer runs. Blehh.

So check it out, I read up a little in my roommate's training I have experimented with different running products and so far here is what I have found:

GU.

I love it. So far this has been my favorite product. You are supposed to down one 15 mins before you run ( pair with water) and then 45 minutes into your run. Its insanely replenishing! I think I need to start to take it a little earlier than 45 though because by that time I'm pooped and its too late. The first time I tried it I freaked out though because it seriously was like... a second wind out of nowhere! Plus while eating just R&B the taste of the chocolate flavor blew my freaking mind. Ha! MORE GU PLEASE!

SHOT BLOCKS.

Not my fave. Mostly because they taste so salty! I have tried the margarita flavor and its kind of hard for me to swallow! I think a problem is that I have tried them in the wrong amounts ( one chew instead of the 3-6 they recommend) or I have tried it together with another replenishing product like Gu and its too much sugar for my tummy to handle and it won't digest. I'm willing to try these again in the suggested way...we'll see

5 HOUR ENERGY:

Also a good find for me. I have sports induced asthma and my doctors have always advised me to have caffeine before I exert a ton of energy. It actually offsets asthma attacks which is weird. Problem with that and running is that most caffeinated drinks mess up my stomach ( coffee, tea etc) due to acidity so these babies are PERFECT. When paired with water they do the job. I am glad because I drank coffee about 2 hours before my 10k and though I didn't feel the effects in a negative way while I was running, I had acid reflux from about 1 hour after the race until 3 days later. Awful!

Good old fashioned GATORADE:

Honestly, I still love gatorade for an after-run replenisher. It makes me feel so much better! Ahhh. I stick to my O.G. fave: Orange. Yummmm.

SALT PILLS:
I haven't given these a legitimate shot yet... I've been told that they prevent cramping from losing sodium. I will try on Sunday ( my next run)

That's all for now. I will let you know as soon as another one surfaces. In the training book it talks a lot about experimenting and really finding the right running products for you so... I'm in process.

IN other news, my friend/long lost sister Erika Soto is coming to stay with me in L.A. this weekend! I'm beyond excited. I'm assuming I'll walk away from our time together just... better. Not fixed or anything.. but she's a wise and honest sis and I can't wait to get to show her around and just get to hang out together. Should be fantastic :)

Other than that I'm stoked to say that I will be seeing MUMFORD AND SONS in June! They're just... I just love them. Their epic lyrics about redemption, hope and brutally honest struggle paired with the thumping of the lead singer's kick drum ( yes I said lead singer's kick drum, they don't have a drummer. He kicks when they perform, awesome) and their 4 part harmonies make for a truly enjoyable music experience. I cannot WAIT to see them!

So I'm about 5 chapters into The Shack. I like it. I mean... its really tragic right now but... I look forward to the main character, Mack, meeting with God and learning about how loved he is and for his heart to open. THAT I am excited for :)

Also, rice and beans is just about over! in exactly 7 days I will be done with the madness of preparing meal after meal of the same daggum thing. Its been a great experiment but I am so excited to be able to eat normally for the sake of my training mostly. Running on rice and beans really jacks up your digestive system!!

Alright well, until tomorrow I hope y'all are doin swell. I'm bout to go eat some rice and ride bikes with Kelley! Should be splendid.

Grace and peace.
-Carly

Here's my third update:

Black bean brownies:

Ingredients:

4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
1 cup unsalted butter
2 cups soft-cooked black beans, drained well (hs: canned is fine)
1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
¼ cup (granulated) natural coffee substitute (or instant coffee, for gluten-sensitive)
¼ teaspoon sea salt
4 large eggs
1½ cups light agave nectar

Preheat the oven to 325°F. Line an 11- by 18-inch (rimmed) baking pan (hs note: or jellyroll pan) with parchment paper and lightly oil with canola oil spray.

Melt the chocolate and butter in a glass bowl in the microwave for 1 1/2 to 2 minutes on high. Stir with a spoon to melt the chocolate completely. Place the beans, 1/2 cup of the walnuts, the vanilla extract, and a couple of spoonfuls of the melted chocolate mixture into the bowl of a food processor. Blend about 2 minutes, or until smooth. The batter should be thick and the beans smooth. Set aside.

In a large bowl, mix together the remaining 1/2 cup walnuts, remaining melted chocolate mixture, coffee substitute, and salt. Mix well and set aside.

In a separate bowl, with an electric mixer beat the eggs until light and creamy, about 1 minute. Add the agave nectar and beat well. Set aside.

Add the bean/chocolate mixture to the coffee/chocolate mixture. Stir until blended well.

Add the egg mixture, reserving about 1/2 cup. Mix well. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Using an electric mixer, beat the remaining 1/2 cup egg mixture until light and fluffy. Drizzle over the brownie batter. Use a wooden toothpick to pull the egg mixture through the batter, creating a marbled effect. Bake for 30 to 40 minutes, until the brownies are set. Let cool in the pan completely before cutting into squares. (They will be soft until refrigerated.)

LIke I said in the vid though- I would make sure to use agave, add in some milk chocolate as well, and eat chilled. Prepare to not taste brownies but something unique. I still like them!

Thursday shmursday.

2010-03-16T16:38:00.001-07:00

Ever been in the ocean and while trying to find your footing become frustrated because the movement of the waves keeps sloshing you around?

Thats kind of how my mind feels. Scripture talks about a doubtful heart like that... Its pretty true. I sometimes wish I were one of those people who had a consistency about their faith that seems to always feel and look the same. Steadfast. Always strong. However, I am such a skeptic and questioning human being I'm not sure how that'd be possible...

Yet as much as I yearn to be someone who is solid I know that without seasons- dry spells, low points etc, my faith- my heart... who I am altogether would be just frosting.. I mean I'd never get deep enough for the delicious mousse filling. Frosting is tasty, sure, but its not all there is and in order to get to the deeper stuff one must be willing to cut into the cake.

this analogy might seem to be a little haywire but... it makes sense to me.

So, I'd say that I'm certainly in a rough and dry place in my faith but- it's leading me deeper. I know that in the times where I thought that it was completely over the miraculous happened.. and finding my way out of that place lead me into an entirely beautiful state of return. Like coming home. Only, coming home in this respect has all the restfulness of home but is new and exciting, too.

So this is where I am on Thursday morning.

Everything is movin along just swell. I'm still training for my halfie which is pretty cool. Saturday I hit about 8 miles which... is crazy. I've only been training for about a week and I went from 3 miles to 8 in 7 days which for me is just... a miracle. It felt great to be moving ahead- especially since normally I'm really really non-ambitious.

Tuesday I just about died though running 6 miles? Confusing. It was 85 degrees in Santa Monica and I hadn't had enough water nor food. I'm gonna have to be very careful with the whole rice and beans deal in training... Must get enough calories and nutrients!

Also, I decided to join the fun and read The Shack. I think its kind of funny that there's so much controversy over this book. I mean... its not a work of theology nor has it ever claimed to be. However, I DO think that one can find beautiful truths in such a book. Do I believe in all of what it says? Probably not even close but... thats OK! I think this controversy speaks of one of my big beefs with much of Christianity particularly in the states. We're so scared of what's outside the box that we miss GREAT beauty - and honestly- God is SO much bigger than the box that its just a shame that we're missing a lot of Him.
Take for example music in church. Do I sing Bob Marley's "One Love" at my church? Yes. Yes I do. Was it written as a worship song or a song about Jesus? Nope. But I tell you what, singing " One Love, one heart. Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel alright. Lets get together and feel alright" can honor God in my opinion. Its a heart matter... and obviously some things are so far outside of the truth that stretching them to fit can be really dangerous and not very fruitful but... IN some cases I wonder if we're missing out on something fun and exciting which is- finding God where we might not have expected him to be.

That being said I'm excited to finally read this. Jon cried a LOT while reading it and... a) I love that but moreso b) I'm probably gonna be a complete disaster haha. I cry at EVERYTHING. Last week I was showing Jon the trailer for "The Blindside" and by the end of it I was like... Completely sobbing.

yeah, look out!

Other than that there are only a few newbies on the horizon. I mentioned in the last post that I am in pre-production working on an EP! Its been uhh 2 years since I last recorded and I've been sick of the recordings I have for about a year now. I want to record a full length really well-produced album but a) in order to do that one needs dolla bills. Which... are not currently in my posession and B) I want to get something to my peeps sooner than when I'll probably finish the album and THUS, I will record a 5 song EP to both fund an album and to give to my audiences and fans something current. Yes yes.

I'm pretty darn excited. More to come on that!

That's all I got for now. Here's a senseless video of me entertaining myself. Au Revoir!

Wake up in the mornin feelin like P Diddy

2010-03-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

In what way Kei$ha? In what way?

Anyhow, Hey out there! I have neglected this for way too long and I apologize but, know that I haven't had time to blog cause I've been livin a lot. By that I mean life has been really full and full of good things I might add. Some hard but.. I know even the hard stuff is good.

I'm officially 12 days in to the Rice and Beans challenge! This time has been hard but really amazing. Here's an update:

More on this later.

Know these things:

- Training is comin' along slowly but surely. i ran 7 miles today which.. is the farthest ever. 8 tomorrow! YIKES
- I get to go see Brandi Carlile tonight at Downtown disney and then hopefully Jon adn I will pop over for some fireworks at Disneyland! Yahoo!
- Pre-production has begun on my acoustic 5 song EP! More on that later :)
- I just completed Assignent Team training with my team for this summer's assignment at Woodleaf. I am PUMPED. They're LEGIT.

More to come on the update front. PEACE

What's goin on?

2010-02-25T16:00:00.001-08:00

Man. The past two weeks have been rough. I could not seem to get out of this funk. I'm not a highly ambitious person to start with but for some reason this week I've been just.. completely worthless.

LIke so:

Alright so she's a lot cuter than I am when I feel like that. Oh well.

I've been trying to put my finger on what's up with me. I mean I'm not a naturally optimistic person but COME ON. I have been awful. Last Monday was a pretty emotionally intense day then Tuesday was really hectic because I had a show that night so... maybe I was just comin down? Well, on top of that Tuesday night I wrestled to fall asleep and didn't actually sleep until about 5:30 in the morning then I woke up at 12:40 in the afternoon. So.. that could have something to do with it. Maybe its one of those things where I''ve got a lot going on but am in a standstill with a few of those things so I'm shutting down? Or maybe its still some residual sickness mixed with busyness and not being able to get alone to process?

Alright here's the final answer: Last Monday was really gnarly emotional and since then I had not had a single minute to myself to process it, I'm still getting over being sick-which I think was caused by my internalized stress in preparation for Monday, I have a lot on my plate, I've been sleeping weird, I haven't been exercising and I haven't gotten away by myself to pour into the relationship that brings me to life. *sigh. THERE.

Either way it sucked. Ha. I HATE feeling lifeless and unmotivated.

This spell has been especially frustrating after reading the book I just did that inspired me so much to live like I mean it.. to take all my passions and dreams and do something with them. Agh... so I had to get away even for a moment or two. This weekend was a real treat in providing remedy for said downerness.

A few moments took place last week and this weekend that really made that old notion real that God chases after us when we wander away from all that's good. First Here have been the moments that snapped me back.

1) Tuesday night I sang my little buns off at Crane's tavern and I was a little lackluster and nervous due to the fact that before the show I could barely talk much less sing but.. it was miraculously great. My friend Julie Belle had never heard me perform and she came up and told me she felt 50 pounds lighter after I sang.. her spirits were lifted and she told me it was my songs and that I was " So full of life". HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? I felt like crap. I wasn't really in the mood to perform and somehow it was true as it always is - When I am weak, He is strong. Crane's Tavern had its spirits lifted not because of anything I did in my power or because I felt up to it. It was kind of the opposite. It was because of this strange and mysterious love that lives in me.. this gift that if it were in my power.. would be hidden under a bucket..

2) Spending some good quality time with Jon. He can be a bit of a safety blanket for me. He can handle my crazy better than most. Very honestly, with love that sometimes doesn't feel like what I want it to but what I need it to be. We went to a nice dinner Friday night and went out and bought chocolate creme pie which.. makes life better almost instantly. Then we laid on the couch on his balcony as the rain poured and just sat and listened. Twas therapeutic.

3) We had a crazy fun day Saturday with our friends Jeremy and Tiffany. We all went to downtown L.A. where we enjoyed an incredible lunch at- get this- a Weiner Joint. Yeah. I said it. Weiner. There was this super upscale place in the arts district downtown that Jeremy was familiar with and boy was I glad. I got the most delicious vegetarian smoked apple sage sausage. It. was. de. li.cous. Here's some pics:

After that we drove around classic downtown L.A. in the rain, stopped off at the american apparel outlets ( zip up hoodies for 25 dollars. Get. Out . of here. I got two. Yikes )

Afterward Jon took us all to watch planes at the airport.. which would have been romantic if it weren't below zero outside.. ok so it wasn't that cold but darnit if it felt like it.

All in all it was a great day.

4) I had this profoundly cheesy but inspiring moment as I was driving back to L.A in the rain. Coldplay came on the iPod and in all of my crappy feeling something about singing " Just because I'm losing doesn't mean that I'm lost" opened me up.. tears.. car dancing.. the works. Fist pumping MIGHT have gone down. Shortly after I found myself BELTING out the epic ending to "Death and all his friends"... " NO I don't want to battle from beginning to end, i don't want to cycle or recycle revenge, I don't want to follow death and all of his friends"... It was like.. you know what? I've been following DEATH all week. I'm sick of it. I want LIFE. I want to love again. I want to be alive I don't WANT to follow death anymore.

Affirming. Inspiring. Goodness.

Ahhh...

I'm thirsty though . I think thirsty is a good place to be. I may not have gotten here in a way that is honoring to my beliefs nor is it a place that FEELS as good as it philosophically IS. I think thirsty is good because... I think I always need what I thirst for but I don't realize it until I'm DESPERATE. That's the condition we find ourselves in as humans. We all need God. Love. Relationship. But we rarely know how much we actually need it. Sometimes, more often than not, we have to come to the end of ourselves and there we feel it.. our thirst. It was there all along but we were too busy to notice. So here I am. Thirsty for what I know is good and real. Thirsty for God. Thirsty for REAL life. Not for death and all of his friends.

Ahh. just saying so makes it a little bit better.

I know this mini season will heal over and turn into something more beautiful than it feels like. I am excited about a lot of things. Beans and rice month starting today, getting healthier, etc. I just need to remember what I'm here for.

Here's the first update.

I'm off to San Diego for a Young Life training thingy. I'm sure it will bring tremendous blessing and I'm psyched to be with my sista Amy as we try to figure out how to eat rice and beans at camp. Wah wah.

Love.
Carly

Dude. Thats sick.

2010-02-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

Sick isn't a good thing you guys. It sucks. I've been ill since Thursday and let me tell you. Being sick isn't sick. Ohhh I'm so witty.

Anyhow, something fierce bit me right in the arse and I was down with a fever for a few days and now just residual throat soreness and sinus pressure. Hopefully I will be well enough to wail on Tuesday down at Crane's tavern. According to my calculations I haven't had a show in L.A. since before Christmas! that might be a record for me. Alas, I will be playing this Tuesday with a neat little band and I am excited. New jams. New arrangements. New fun.

Highlights from the past few days include..

An always lovely though- slightly poor timing- visit from Aleece. I know you all enjoyed her guest blog. That bit about butterfly hearts really made me smile.

This morning we made berry bran muffins. We had no muffin tin but we had muffin.. cups? sleeves? ehh? so it kind of worked. Instead of circles they looked more like leaf shaped or... RHOMBUS' ( Aleece pointed that out. I thought it to be a little bit funny). Coupled with coffee and conversation they made for a sweet morning around apartment D.

Lets see, what else. It was good to be home for a day or two recovering from my battle with scarlet/hay/jungle fever. Something tells me that if I didn't load up on my mom's chicken soup ( don't worry I didn't eat the chickadees) I would still have typhoid/rheumatic/cowbell fever.

Can I take a moment to point out something I think that might get overlooked? Cabbage as a flower. I like it. Its like an oversized carnation or something. Green and lovely.

I found these hiding in a Chase parking lot. I think the only other place I have seen them is at Disneyland. Hm. I vote for more.

While Jon and I were exploring the Ventura Harbor last week we came across something that I think deserves a closer look.

Behold... the... Interracial Sea Ponies.

This piece has everything you could possibly desire in a piece of fine art. Mythical creatures, forbidden love, moonlight, dolphins swirling about, a hidden sting ray, a frozen pirate ship, snow?

I just thought I'd share this with you. Mer-ponies. Athough the black one seems to be a mer-unicorn. Which, makes their relationship even more edgy.

*sigh.

Well kids, its off to band practice for me. Grace and peace. Enjoy your monday nights..

-Carly

GUEST BLOG!!!

2010-02-18T18:11:00.000-08:00

Alright folks. You've been hearing from me for what feels like years upon years... This fact coupled with the fact that my dearly beloved friend Aleece is staying with me for a spat here in Santa Monica ( she lives in Berkeley) brought me to the decision that it was the right time for a GUEST BLOOOOOG ( cue cheering crowd whooping uncontrollably)

She's excited:

Take it away, Aleece!!

Hi.

Firstly, let me tell you how much I dislike turtlenecks. I only say this because it likes like I have one on in this picture. To clarify-I DO NOT HAVE A TURTLENECK ON.

On an upbeat note, I am here in beautiful Santa Monica with MY dearly wonderful beautiful adored splendid friend Carly. Currently we are listening to...(Hey Carly who are we listening to again?) Mumford and Sons. Ho-ly smokes. I was hooked immediately. You can bet all your sweet booty that I will leave town with these folks on my Pod. In addition to this incredible music, we are making some vegetable soup and just ate a tasty little pizza from TJ's.

In the case that all of you (ie Carly's readers) care what I have to say...I am just going to assume that you do.
Today as I was driving down the 5, I was reminded as a butterfly hit my window, I have always wondered what an insects heart looks like. FINALLY, I have remembered to google this. It's not as cute as I was imagining. In fact, apparently male moths and butterflies have 2 hearts. Unfortunately, when I first googled "butterfly hearts" this is what I was greeted with:

not really what I was looking for, google. When I wised up I searched for "anatomy of a butterfly"

Anyway, as anti-climatic as that might have been, I truly had been pondering this-albeit for split moments-for years.
I think in my mind it was very cartoony, but isn't that just life. Full of little biological awakenings.

What else..what...else... I'll give you a little sneak peak into my ticker, how 'bout that?
This week or shall I say, the past 6-7 days...which is technically a week just without the standard Sunday to Sunday business- anyway, has been really interesting. I know that basically most weeks contain highs and lows and often just one or the other, but this week of mine has crunched together some ridiculous highs and lows. Not that any given one was extreme just they happened to closely together that I have been thrown off my stable mental and emotional rocker. I think it would be unwise to venture into the land of details but I'll say that I had to do a really hard thing which was to be brutally and I hate to say it but heartbreakingly honest with someone in a situation I did not see coming.However, I do believe that hurt will bring so much healing. Also, I came down to visit home (general Southern California) and my first stop was NOT my mom's house in Thousand Oaks. This is a first. Although I will see her tomorrow, it's hard recognizing that such a fundamental relationship is having to create and cope with some serious change. It's about time, but difficult nonetheless. Thirdly, a lot of stress from these and other life situations has made my focus on school next to none. Last semester I was so driven, actually to the point of having zero social life. This semester has been really difficult to adjust to. I need to figure out how to balance all these current...things.

Now, for the really lovely moments. Although school has been challenging, I started tutoring kids in the Psychology 200 class. Yesterday was the first time student actually came in for help and my fear of not knowing answers or leading them astray dissipated as soon as I realized how much I love the material and love drawing example like displacement or projecting as a defense mechanisms. I love love love it. Also, I get to connect to students and then connect them to material that I have a passion for. I don't know if it gets better for me. On another psychology note, I got this cool book for my work that sort of parallels the Myers-Briggs. It gives you your little letter combo, INFJ (me!) for example and then breaks you up into either an Idealist, Rational, Guardian or Artisan. THEN it places you into a another subcategory( ie. Idealist-Counselor or Mentor or Healer etc) I love that stuff. I have been passing it around to see what some peeps in my life are. It's such an interesting way to learn little bits about other people and myself. Though, I find myself needing to be careful that I don't let it define me. In fact, today on a walk I was pondering if it sort of enables a self-fulfilling prophecy. Am I really that complex and private in thought, or will I just become that way because this book tells me. Fortunately or Un, that is actually and has been pretty true for me before I took the little test.

In other un-psychology related goodness, I had a fun day of skateboarding and really good conversation on a beautiful day in a really cool new place.Also, I have been reminded at every step of...every good or hard thing, how loved I am. On my Friday-hard-day, my roommate came into my room about every 20 minutes with lines like "Oh...hey, I forgot, have I told you how wonderful you are? Cause you are." At other times, it was just knowing that I could call Carly, Drea, Jon, my sister, Emily-so many people at anytime and they would talk with me through the rougher moments or share in a laugh. It's amazing really. How God has filled my life with so much richness. In the people I have known for years, months, days or even moments-it's just one of the ways I feel his provision and presence. On that note, I have been holding close to Him. I sort of feel like that child again, knowing that the closer I hold the security and hope I feel is pretty amazing. I am loving the notion that right now, at this moment despite what a hot mess I am-I am loved and I have what I need. This brings me to now, I am sitting in probably my favorite apartment in the world with one of my most loved and favorite people on this entire planet about to eat what I am sure will be a favorite soup and some good wine and a GREAT film...French Kiss.
I am excited for the days ahead (although who's not a little tentative?) and expectant.

I hope I did not let you down, fair-Carly's readers. I am most certain that you are all wonderful and beautiful people and I really do mean that. Don't question me. Ask Carly, she knows...only pain comes from questioning me.

Peace peace peace upon all ya'll.

Aleece

I know. One thing. That I love you.

2010-02-16T22:26:00.000-08:00

How many of you have had that song stuck in your head? You know which one I'm talking about.. The Michael Franti song? " I love you. I love you. I love you... etc etc etc etc etc etc etcccc"

Well, I don't really have much to say today. Maybe that will change. Here's what the past two days have been filled with:

1) I'm one chapter away from finishing the book Its so freaking good I can't handle it! I sped through it though and am kind of mourning the near death of my daily Donald Miller fix... Oh well. I'm trying to make these last pages drag out as long as humany possible... Hmm

3) I went to my second meeting with a counselor yesterday- not for personal counseling but because she will be mediating a conversation that I have next week with someone who I'm... trying to reconcile with after a long period of broken non communication. We will see how this goes. Anyhow... I got issues dude. The counselor invited me to become a client of hers after the explosion of issues that was our meeting today. I look forward to this. I look forward to healing.. to becoming the person I have all the potential in the world to become. Yes.

4) Uh my roommate

is a grade A badass mamma jamma. Guess where she might be headed in a couple weeks as a recently graduated nurse?

Haiti.

You know why? Because she wakes up in the morning and thinks to herself.. GOSH I want to go to the most difficult places in the world and help where nobody else wants to because its so gnarly. You know what I think of? How can I make my life more comfortable? How can I avoid suffering? How can I make myself feel better?

Vomit. Ughh.. Anyhow. Shout out to Christina. I hope she gets to go.. I hope Haiti gets to hang out with her for a bit. Soooo legit.

5) OK, I know this is crazy worthless and most of you can just skip over this but.. Recently I've started to watch... *cough... The Bachelor. Yes I know. I know it goes against everything I believe in. I know that after a few months of reality show dating two people should not get married. I know its complete filth but BY GOLLY ITS FILTH THAT IS ENTERTAINING ME RIGHT NOW! Ok. So for those of you who are fellow audience members...

If he:

Picks her:

Over her:

I'mma freak out. Hahahaha...

Not really... But... I mean... The entire season will be an even bigger waste of my life than it already has been if the wholesome and dapper pilot from Texas chooses the spoiled trashy pre-teen from Florida over the grounded positive spunky girl from Oregon I mean.. What has this world come to? More on that next week. I know you are all on the edge of your seats...

Note to readers: Yes I'm aware that I could be doing more productive and fruitful things with my life, no I don't need convincing that the bachelor is a big plastic bag full of dog poop, and no I probably will not watch another season.

That being said...

Other highlights include...

6) Hangin our with my friends reading some scripture and talkin life. Not much is better than that I tell you..I really must say that if you think you can do life alone or outside of community you're a) WRONG and b) missing out on some serious goodness.

7) I have officially started training for my half marathon. Blerhh.. Its good starting off slow right now but in the back of my head I'm like... 13. 13 miles. That's like twice my distance record. yikes!! I think it will be really fantastic I just have to be patient with myself with the training process. In the spirit of training I have started reading this book :

Which... from the start of it seems to be geared toward people such as myself. It comes with a training plan too so... we'll see how it goes!

8) Alright, I don't really know why but, for some reason lately I've been getting a lot of joy from cute things. I mean, more than usual. Remedy? CUTE OVERLOAD.

That's right... www.cuteoverload.com exists for the common cute-seeker. If you can't find anything on there that makes you smile and/or laugh I will be completely surprised. Enjoy folks. Here's a sample:

I mean COME ON!

Here's something odd: I'm feeling rather uninspired. Any tips on how to muster up the good stuff? I mean.. I think what makes someone an artist... I mean a REAL artist is performing and working regardless of if you're feelin it so, inevitably I will act out my gifts either way but... Darn its sweet to have that crazy driving inspiration that you can't really derive on your own mathematically... the kind that sweeps you away in itself until you HAVE to do something with it? Yeah.. I want some of that.

Just a thought. As for now I have a few practices this week and am singing Sunday and Tuesday. Prayin for a little warmth in my soul to move me forward.

Until Next time, Grace and peace

-Carly

Three times a lovely

2010-02-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

Well you guys, this weekend was pretty fantastic. I will say that I might need a break from indulgence for a bit but, it has served me well for the past 3 days! My body doesn't feel that great but my heart does ha!

I think I left off on Friday night last post- so here's what went down. I arrived at the beach bungalow in Malibu to Jon marinating our ahi and sippin on some wine. Our long time ministry partners and friends Jeremy and Stephanie Koenig came over shortly after and we all caught up with some sweet conversation, cooked, laughed, told stories and just... loved on one another. These two live in Thousand Oaks and do Young Life with Jon. The last time the four of us hung out was before they were married and before Jon and I were together. WHOA! I don't remember those times very clearly :)

Needless to say it was a great blessing to have their company. Our dinner was insanely delicious and we slipped off to sleep while the natural sleep machine of the pacific rocked us to sleep like babies. Jon and I slept on the living room floor which is right next to a huge sliding glass door overlooking the sea. We were woken up by the sun rising on the water and the waves lapping on the shore... not to mention a few seagull scraps.

I woke up and made us all insanely delicious breakfast burritos and we ate them and slurped our coffee out on the deck. Perfect. Seriously. I kept thinking to myself REALLY? You know those moments that you wish you could capture and somehow choose to relive whenever you so desired? I mean, if you could choose to be transported in the middle of a crappy work day to a particular moment in your life that was just sweet... Yeah, it was like that.

Jon and I read on the deck for a bit then spent the rest of the day by ourselves on the beach. We collected stones, took care of a baby crab, and danced around the sand like children. It was pretty dog gone spectacular. We had to leave in the later afternoon so we returned to his house in camarillo, each took naps and showered, then went out to see Valentine's Day as was appropriate. The movie was kind of.. bad! We were both really excited about it since we're both suckers for good romantic comedies but... Disappointment set in within the first 5 minutes of the movie. Such a shame.

After the movie we needed something to cheer us up so we picked up some Chimay to split along with an incredible key west lime pie. This stuff is crazy delicious. Don't even have a bite if you don't want to have another... its pretty much impossible.

Anyhow... Yesterday was OFFICIALLY Valentine's day. Eh, we kind of took a whole weekend though. We slept in and mosied to our favorite coffee shop where we read ( Jon's almost don with the shack and I'm in the thick of Donald MIller's "A million miles in a thousand years") and then headed out to the Ventura harbor. We strolled along and just kind of hung out together until we got a mean craving for fish n chips... We then drove to a spot Jon knew for some of the best fish n chips I'd ever had. So tasty! We took our... 3rd or 4th beach stroll after that and discussed dinner which ended up being some pretty fantastic smoked salmon fettucini alfredo.

Can I just boast in the fettucini for a moment? Well too bad. This is my blog. MY BLOG!

Here's what went into the dish:
-Fettucini ( doy)
- Newman's Alfredo Sauce ( I would have made my own had we more time)
-Smoked Salmon (chopped into bits)
-Sauteed crimini mushrooms
-minced sundried tomatoes
-Pesto sauce

It. Was. Fabulous. I coupled it with some spinach sauteed in garlic and olive oil AND some fresh garlic bread. No vampires. No way.

After we gobbled down our dinners we lounged on the couch and watched our favorite thing in the world: Planet Earth. We've seen them all together so then we did something a little exciting and watched "Earth" haha.. which is.. a lot of planet earth footage but with some extras and shortened. It was beautiful... Jon and I both get SO excited and awestricken by nature its hilarious. We watch these things seriously with our eyes bugging out of our heads competing in a game of "who can gasp the loudest". ( I usually win)

Ahh... A pleasant weekend which ended all too soon. But there's so many exciting things on the horizon! Training for the half marathon, finishing this tremendous book, a visit from Aleece, preparing for Rice and Beans month AH! so much more...

As for now, I'm gonna go try and find something without alcohol, sugar, or cheese in it to eat for dinner. Yikes.

Grace and Peace and LOVE to you all,
Carly

Its that time of year!!

2010-02-12T16:44:00.000-08:00

Time for sweet sweet lovin.

( You see the heart-shape in the flower? precious)

Whatever! Its funny... For the first 21 years of my life I drank my fill of haterade on Valentines Day. Jon came along and I still didn't really like it. I mean... I agree with you, conscious world, that the holiday was created as an industry and we as silly consumers waste a lot of money on B.S. valentine's day stuff. I get it.

But when you've got someone sometimes its nice to have another excuse to spend time together doin something out of the ordinary.

For some reason celebrating it makes me feel awkward around single folks- with whom I identified with for the majority of my days. I get all kinds of teasing about it from my single friends now and I just feel like... When I was single I felt left out cause all of my friends had boyfriends before me blah blah blah... and now that I'm in the taken category I feel left out of the single ladies club ( cue beyonce)

Ah whatever. This isn't of enough importance to continue.

So last night I had an awesome evening in with my favorite bunkmate.( Yes, if you don't know, I've slept in a bunkbed for two years now.)

We had a blast making red velvet cupcakes from scratch- peep this... health-nuts beware... Guess what the frosting contained?

1 Pound of Butter, 1 1/2 pounds of cream cheese, vanilla and Powdered sugar.

YESSS!!! Fat fat fat. I love fat. So yummy. Down in my belly. Fat faaaaat!!

haha, they were delicious. I only had one, just so you know ;)

We then proceeded to sip on lemoncello and fine whisky while watching Modern Family and then Gattica.

GREAT SUCCESSSSSSS!!!

Ahh, a good evening indeed.

This weekend is already turning out great. Jon and I wil be having a sleepover with our friends Jeremy and Stephanie at a beach house in malibu tonight. Jon is preparing some seared Ahi for us all to enjoy with some vino and a moive and in the morning we're gonna chill in the ocean and grub on breakfast burritos.

I cannot wait!! As I have mentioned in prior entries, this beach house is insane. It is literally ON the ocean... like the waves sweep underneath the house. AMAZING. I do pray every time I'm there that we don't get hit with a tsunami. You think I'm joking. I'm NOT.

Anyhow.. . I'm off to get some more dinner ingredients! I will update you all when this weekend is done!

Love love LOOOOVE
Carly

ps: Album of the month?

Mumford and Sons- Sigh no more.

I will update you with my thoughts on it at another time. Just know its beautiful.

Well Hallelujah

2010-02-08T14:25:00.000-08:00

Whoa. God has been SO good to me in the past 5 days.. Ok so He's always good to me. Something beautiful happened this weekend. I had a FULL day off! Whoa. here's what I wrote that day about it :)

From Sunday 2/7
" The first real Sabbath I've maybe EVER taken started this morning with me hitting snooze with a smile, a real one , on my face... then me whispering " I'll get up when I WANT.. I aint got sh** to do!!" haha...I got up around 10:45 guilt free and meandered refreshed and rested from my top bunk to the kitchen where I prepped some pumpkin oats and tea.
Mm...

I then proceeded to sip tea and read scripture for TWO HOURS, went on a 6 mile run( which was difficult but rejuvenating in the southern Cali sunshine). After I came home, took a hot shower then slipped naturally into my pajamas and did something I've been meaning to do for months- Finish "Eat. Pray.Love." I felt wildly indulgent soaking up my 'friend' Liz's escapades as I curled up in the softest blanket we own with a cup of coffee. I even managed to light candles! About half way into reading, the muffled but soulful strumming of my friend and neighbor Kevin's guitar sailed though our dividing wall to accompany me. Normally I hear it and get mildly annoyed but- today I accepted it as a gift. Who else gets to lounge with a good book whie a great friend involuntarily serenades them through cheap plaster walls?

Today has been truly restful and fabulous. In my normal dreadful nature, of coursem my head is tempted to swim in a sea of condemnation...' You SHOULD HAVE done THIS'.. 'You should have read THIS book instead"... ' Don't Get TOO comfortable, this isn't REALITY'...

SHUT UP!

God commanded me to rest then gave me space in my schedule to do so and by golly, I'm taking it!

END . OF. STORY."

After I wrote I finished ANOTHER book I've been meaning to finish... "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Both books were great for very different reasons.. But I'm just excited to finish those because I told myself once I did I could start THIS:

So far its been really really awesome. I love Donald Miller. He is such a kindred spirit to me... Something about his candidness, sly humor and authentic and romantic musings makes me BREEZE through his books. They're like soul crack. SOUL CRACK!!

Basically in this book he goes through a process of evaluating his life and really what kind of story he's living. He was approached by some screenwriters who wanted to take his original book " Blue Like Jazz" and turn it into a movie.. he agreed to it and so they began getting together to create the movie that would tell his story... Well, sort of. They started to tell him that they wanted to enhance his real life for the screen because.. well... no audience wants to watch the life he actually lead. They said he needed more conflict, more struggle, more adventure etc.

They talked about the elements of what makes a story captivating. Then basically he comes to this place where he realizes he isn't living the way he could be...and that most of us really aren't. He drew an analogy about a friend who's wife had just had a baby. His friend said he'd never appreciated his wife so much, nor had he ever been so crazy about her. He went on and on and when Don mentioned to him " she must be excited to have her husband back", his friend looked back at him and realized he hadn't really mentioned all his appreciation to his wife.
" You haven't said anything?" Don asked,
"I guess I figured she knew", his friend suggested.

He points out something that can be harsh to realize for us... and that is that "a character is what he does"... that " the stories we tell ourselves are very different from the stories we tell the world".

Meaning this: all of my dreams and grand schemes and visions of the life I want to live don't really exist until I start to live them.

Ouch. My dreams aren't real until I start to live them out! But its so true. So true. Just like that guy- His wife didn't know she was appreciated and not because she wasn't- but because he wasn't saying anything or doing anything to let her in on his inner world of adoration. And if she looked at their relationship and said " He didn't appreciate me" it wouldn't be entirely wrong because- what good is love or appreciation if its contained and not shown?? Its NO good.

I love the conclusions he's drawn so far. They've been eerily convicting and relevant to where I'm at. I have all kinds of dreams about how I'd one day love to live.. but... what kind of life do I actually LEAD? If someone were to make a movie of my life would they think to themselves... Gosh what a waste of gifts? Of resources? Would they watch and think it was compelling or would it be forgettable? If I'm honest I know that its a little bit forgettable. Not in a self-deprecating way... just.. in an honest way that leads me to want to do something about it.

Just some thoughts.

Other highlights include:

1) Finding a ladybug on my beautiful run on Sunday AND yesterday!

2) Getting to take Jon to the hospital. He broke his elbow. I'm not glad he's in pain or anything... I just like to take care of him.

I mean come on! Look at that face! Cute cute.

3) I've been insanely productive at work. Just this week I crafted 4 brand new original songs with kids! Look out!

4) JJ Heller. I love her music. She humbles me.

5) I decided to sign up for a HALF MARATHON in April. Crazy? Yes.

In other cool news:
This March I will be taking part in a cool movement called "Rice and Beans" where for the whole month of March- anyone who would like to participate will only be eating...well...Rice and Beans. Why?

" 1. SOLIDARITY: We are standing with our brothers and sisters in East Africa who live on
limited incomes and who can only afford simple meals like rice & beans.

2. SIMPLICITY: Those of us who live in wealthier nations often eat for pleasure and eat in
excess. We are going to eat nutritious and simple meals to give up wasteful consumption.

3. SHARING: We choose to simplify in order to share with our brothers and sisters. We
will look at our food budget for the month and give whatever we would have spent on our
food for that month to the kids living in the East Africa partnerships. "

You can find out the rest of the info here:

The proceeds will go to an organization called Lahash. They're legit because my good friend Amy traveled with them to Uganda for a couple of months last year and it was extraordinary.

I am convicted to experience all three aspects of this project... Most of the world lives on simple meals like rice and beans and many of them on less than that... We live in a culture where we have SO much food and SO many options. I mean, as disgusting as this is to admit- I can't remember a time in my life where I couldn't eat ANYTHING I WANT in ANY QUANTITY ...ANY TIME I WANT.

You guys, this is INSANE to most of the world. So even though its only a month, I believe that eating only rice and beans will potentially help me to a) relate to so many who have no other options and keep it simple b) appreciate how crazy insanely privileged I am, and c) give to a great cause that will help even things out... Not as much as I'd like but, more than it is today.

God put way more than enough resources on the world for us all to be provided for.. but today as it stands, the rich are over indulged and the poor are dying of starvation.

It would be koo-koo to not do anything... or to not care.

So that's MARCH... but I want to be prayerful in seeking other ways to help. Maybe I will figure out a cool way to use my gifts with music and art to help... Hmmm...

Either way I'm inspired to start living... to start taking my dreams and making them real.

Join me?

Grace and Peace.

-Carly

OUI!

2010-02-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

Ahhh..

Well folks, God is real and He heard me whine and whine and whine and loved me in response. How do I know?

You all know I've been rambling on about how busy I've been and how frustrating its been to find time to do anything blah blah blah...

WELL! Yesterday morning I was visiting Jon and I spent the morning as a productive human being. He works from home right now and we both just got a bunch done all while sipping coffee and listening to the rain. It was kind of awesome. He then proceeded to be his fantastic self and whip us up some delicious grilled cheeses and tomato basil soup.

He's a winner :)

Due to said productive morning I was able to get most of what I needed to get done done so that I could have a free friday night. FREE!!! FREEEEEE!!

In celebration I came home , instantly pajammafied and whipped up a delicious dinner while listening to tunes and the rain falling. Is there any better ambiance then rain? I think NOT! I made a simple and delicious meal- Salad of mixed greens, minced pecans, dried cranberries, a little bleu cheese and annie's honey mustard vinaigrette ( I prefer balsamic looking back, oh well I tried something new) some tasty asparagus and some roasted fingerling potatoes. I ate it up while reading and journaling...

Here's the easiest way to cook the veggies in my opinion:
-Toss the asparagus in olive oil, salt and pepper, adn some red pepper flakes and spread them on a pan.
Cook them in an oven at 350 or so for about 15 minutes - eyeball it cause I didn't time :/
- Boil to potatoes until they are tender. Cube them up to your liking, toss in olive oil, minced garlic, salt and pepper and put them the same pan you cooked the asparagus on at the same temp ( pull a quick switcheroo) . Cook them to your liking. I like them extra toasty.

It was fresh and good.

Continuing on with the abnormal spurt of free time I enjoyed recently...

I then did what any normal 20 something woman would do on a Friday night without plans.

I went to Rite Aid with close to no agenda and took my sweet ass time.

I came home with shampoo/conditioner, facial wax and vitamin A but.. I was close to buying the most random crap you'd ever believe. I seriously spent about 45 minutes in there. It was GLORIOUS.

Check it out:

First time waxing my own brows and I must say... GREAT SUCCESS!

Moving on...

This morning I slept in a bit and then hurried on to a banquet I had to attend for work. We have them every year to celebrate the most exemplary kids at the club. Its actually kind of great to see the kids and their families outside of afterschool all dressed up and to get to celebrate them for being great!

Sidenote- I was frazzled trying to find the right banquet room and I fell down a flight of escalator steps. It was an outdoor escalator that was covered in rain water and currently not functioning ( thus, it was more like metal steps). I only slipped down a few but my iPhone went PLUNK, PLUNK, PLUNK alllllll the way down.

It survived!

ITS A SURVIVOR ( to the tune of Destiny's child)

Anyhow... I got a phone call in the middle of this event that gave me the news that the plans I had for tonight and all day tomorrow were cancelled.

ANOTHER FREE NIGHT!

A FREE DAY!!

WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO!!!??

I'll tell ya what I did. I hung out for a bit. Went on a nice 3.6 mile run( its been weeks), made a DELICIOUS DINNER of potato/soy-rizo/spinach/black bean/delicious avocado-greek yogurt sauce TACOS, took a nice shower, pajammafied and watched French Kiss with my roommate.

All before 10:30 pm.

Yeah, I know!

SO that brings us up to today. A free Sunday. The sun is shining and the possibilities are endless.

Can't wait... Remember in my last post how I was SO wanting to "Sabbath"? Here I am!

Thanks, God!

I'm signing off of the internet today and I can't wait to see what a day of real rest can bring to this tired soul.

Grace and Peace,
Carly

Raise your hand if you need a break!

2010-02-03T17:13:00.000-08:00

Oh good gravy. how do I do this? I am in over my head. Again.

A lot of me wants to get away from life for a bit anf retreat into the woods or something but, then I realize I'll just get back from my mysterious mountain trip and just jump back into my habitual over-commitedness. It could be nice. I'm sure it would be amazing actually but, I have a bad habit of escaping for months at a time to go to camp or something ( that's not relaxing at all but.. oh well) and coming back and almost instantly being overwhelmed by commitments.

So, this reminds me I haven;t even recapped this past weekend with you guys! I got to go up to the Angeles Crest forest and be a part of a leadership retreat for Young Life by making 200 leaders laugh. At this, I am good. (Yoda?)

Here's some startling images of what went down:

Rhythmic gymnastics. 80's music. Amazing fellowship with new friends. Getting to spend the whole weekend with Jon there. All in all a great weekend. But, I was exhausted the entire time.

There was a woman I performed with who is about 20 years older than me and who is basically... a glimpse into my future. We had so much in common it was scary. I like to think my bizarreness and humor is pretty unique and I felt like I was talking to myself when I spoke to her- except more seasoned and mature.

She called me "grasshopper" due to this. She pulled me aside a few times to impart her wisdom and on the last day we were there together she said this:

"Ok, grasshopper, you are obviously gifted and everybody will always want a piece of that . Here's my advice... Nobody will ever call you up and say 'Hey Carly, do you want to come getaway for a weekend and sip tea and read books and relax and talk to Jesus?' but you will get endless amounts of 'Hey Carly what are you doing in (insert month here), I've got something I'd love to have you come do for/with me'...So you will have to get away on your own. You will have to learn to take breaks and you will have to learn to rest because nobody will ever do that for you".

I knew it before she even said it but, for some reason HER saying it... someone who has very similar gifts as me but who has been doing it for 20 years longer.. made a dent.

How does this look week to week? I have NO idea. BUt I will be pursuing how it looks. Because lately I've been way way over scheduled ( I'm not free until May, and really until June)... and because I'm runnin on E when I actually arrive at all the activities I participate in I'm just like... frustrated and not able to give anything good.

Sabbath. Here's the deal. God instructs all his people to work hard... to serve with their hands and feet and be responsible and productive and all of that- BUT- He specifically commands us to REST. He said to take one day out of our week and just, BE. Recharge.. rest in the truth that we're loved and that life is beautiful for one day before we jump back into livin life.

I don't know how to do this when even my sundays are full. I live among tons of people and I really don't have much time alone- and when I do there are seemingly endless things I need to take care of.

I made a list today of things I need to take care of and I literally came up with over 40 things that are on my plate- aside from spending time with people or myself...

I realize I vent a lot on this thing and actually about this a lot so, I'm sorry. I just needed to say that if I was gonna talk about what's going on with me.

On a lighter note- this whole doppleganger thing on Facebook is really occupying too much space in my life. Why? Because I love figuring out who my friends look like.

Why? because I'm really weird? I guess so!

I don't know why we love to do this. What is it about us that makes us enjoy comparing ourselves to celebrities? I have a lot of theories personally which I won't bore you with but... I'll only share one.. the most prominent at that.

I think that we were all made to worship God. And whether or not we believe in God we all worship SOMETHING because of this need in us... We all do it. Whether its a diety, relationships, money, family, our jobs...etc... We fill that spot with something. I think what has happened over the years is that we have started to worship fame as a culture. I mean think about it... If we see one of these people in person we feel special JUST FOR SEEING THEM. Is that CRAZY??

Not only that but, we find our value in how much we are life celebrities. If we wear the same clothes, eat the same food, listen to the same bands, etc. we feel like we have become part of something special. We do what they tell us to do, we sip on their words and their personalities and lifestyles like its somehow actually significant to us. But it...isn't.

I don't get it. I mean, I do it. I do to a small extent and even that is embarrassing for me because especially living in L.A. I know its all such a joke.

I don't know why I'm ranting about this. I'll stop. Sorry.

Anyhow, in other other news...
This awesome dog was at the retreat this weekend. I have NO idea what kind it is but Jon and I decided we wanted one. I know we live 45 mins apart. It'd live at Jons and I'd visit, ok?

Looks like a fox mated with a weiner dog, then THAT dog mated with a golden retriever, then THAT dog mated with a chow.

Yeah, I know. Boss-awesomeness.

Another funny thing: There were a bunch of seminars for different leadership stuff and one of them was about "Non Anxious Leadership" which basically discussed what it looks like to be an anxious leader vs. a healthy leader which.. I needed to go to so I went... and this kid is sitting like this watching the speaker.

Joe Cool. At an anxiety seminar. I was dying.

Alright. That's all I got for tonight blogland.

More to come, and I promise it won't be half as ranty as today was. My apologies.

PAZ,
Carly

Fergalicious definition, make the boys go loco.

2010-01-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

SO last night was a ton of fun!

Yes. Celebrities were there. All around.

No I didn't take pictures with, interrupt, or hang out nearby them all night because I wanted to appear to... frankly not give a crap. And honestly I kind of don't.

I feel like its really unnecessary, awkward and kind of worthless to approach celebrities unless of course their work has played some significant role in my life or something but... that only happens with musicians usually and even then I feel a bit out of place approaching them.. its just like- what am I trying to get from this? If I'm trying to let them know that their work makes a difference then.. I'm for it. If its just to tell everyone that I brushed up against Fergie when I was walking to the bathroom( true story) then... the value of it lasts like 35 seconds then its dead.

Y'knowwhattimean?

The party was super fun. Open bar. Great D.J. Josh Duahmel ( yes, he is two times the foxy in person).

What's not to love?
I mean, According to my peers he cheated on Fergie or something but.. I don't keep up with that balogna. And, we're not talking morals here, where talking pure appreciation of his face haha.. The only person I was delighted to share the room with was Justin Long...

AND actually the guy who plays Puck on Glee. I did a few walk by maneuvers.

All in all it was a fun night and totally unusual for my life. I could never be one of those people who does that every night. Its exhausting

Anyhow, can I tell you about my new favorite source of entertainment?

Modern Family. And no, I think it has nothing to do with nor can it be compared to Arrested Development. They're totally different. That being said. I love this show. I highly suggest if you haven't seen it- going to Hulu.com and watching the pilot episode as soon as you can.

Its about this... well, this family. There's Jake- the father of two adult children each with their own families. jake is married ( remarried) to a hot young Colombian woman named Gloria who has a son, Manny. Manny is like.. 10 years old but acts like he's 35 and is just.. amazing.
Jake's daughter Claire is married to Phil, one of my favorite characters- who reminds me a lot of my boyfriend Jon. They have two daughters and a son who all have their funny quirks...
Then Jake also has a son named Mitchell who lives with his partner Cameron who is absolutely hilarious and their adopted Vietnamese daughter LIly.

Amazing.

So... flipping... funny. Its holding me over until Glee starts again.

I really don't think I was this much of a T.V. fan until I didn't have T.V. I guess that's because its easier to follow shows on my own terms and when I'm not overstimulated with a variety of shows its easier to get excited about and enjoy one at a time?

Yes. I think thats it.

So tonight I'm stoked to be going out to camarillo to hang with Jon for a bit and gather some silly props for this weekend. That sentence seemed racy but, the props are for a Young LIfe thing. I am often invited to do sort of... sketch comedy stuff( thats the easiest way to explain it) for Young Life and... this weeken my character is a Rhythmic Gymnast.

And I'm planning on wearing THIS:

Yeah, I said it. I hope I get some video so I can post it for you all but I know for certain I will at least have photos.

alright kids... Until probably next week,
Peace etc,
Carly

H-WOOOOOD

2010-01-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

Alright ok. ok ok. I'm a little pumped. As most of you ( that might now be true) know, my roommate is a top notch music supervisor for the film industry.. which means she works with directors to pick out songs for movies which, sounds like a dream for a lot of music buffs out there ( its all about business and money and stuff, not just tunes). Point is- she gets some legit perks.

Among said perks is getting to go to tons of movie screenings and premiers. Tonight I get to go to one! I'm kinda stoked because we're going to the after party for the " When in Rome" premier.

Why am I excited, You ask? Because THIS guy is in it:

Will Arnett. I'm hoping He'll be there. Why? I'm hoping to listen to him have a conversation with someone. Because. It should be. Hilarious.

I will update you all tomorrow as soon as I possibly can.

In other news. Santa monica is back to it's 75 degree self. Booooring. But beautiful. I got to run on the beach and it was awesome. ( I'm crazy out of shape. That's NOT awesome)

Alright I gotta go get ready!

Peace out readaz

-Carly

Higher and higher and higher...

2010-01-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

OK, today's feel good dance song?

Passion pit- Little secrets. If that doesn't make you a) move a little bit and/or b) smile. I'd be seriously concerned with your ears. Get them checked.

I have heard about this band a bunch but I thought it was gonna be one of those leather pants/wife beater Daughtry/ Nickelback type of deals. Which, I try to stray as far as I can away from.

Anyhow. Passion pit. Kind of like a cleaner more poppy MGMT.

So while I was away this weekend I just, I realized I need to:

a) keep going with this music deal. I was so amazed at the way God used my songs this weekend and I just... I know that I don't move hearts, that's not my job... and I am so thankful that I get to be a part of the ways God speaks to people and the ways He moves hearts. Such an immense blessing to get away into the Santa Cruz mountains, sing songs, laugh with kids and see miracles happen in not only the hearts of highschool students- but the hearts of their leaders and even the staff at the camp we were at.

and

b) Get away without an obligation. If I'm honest- all I wanted to do on Saturday was go for a run through the forest, read, nap and just.. spend time cut off from the world. So, I will hereby book for myself...a retreat. Yes. I said it. As far as I can tell I'm not free until mid-march but.. Somewhere in there I need to do this. I'm rarely ever alone and when I am I'm rarely ever without obligations.

Ahhhh. It feels weird to blog again.
I feel like there's probably so much to catch you up on but, so little to say that's actually interesting haha.. I feel like I might have to focus the blog even more...

I've thought about what to focus on. I mean, I could make it about my job but, that could be risky involving kids in something public like this...then I thought OH I could do it on exploring L.A. but.. honestly I don't have the time to do so... then I thought OH I could do it about lessons I'm learning but.. that seems a little but too heavy. I have a hard time reading serious blogs all the time. *sigh.

I guess this is actually pretty indicative of who I am because Lord knows I can't focus on one thing for the life of me. Music? Art? Food? Coffee? Friends? Faith? Work? Ministry? Ehh

Do you have any ideas for me? Any? bleh.

Ok. I must be off. Time to go meet the boy in Malibu for some Thai!

Peace,
Carly

Na-na-na-na ev-er-y day, like my iPod stuck on replay..

2010-01-11T16:48:00.000-08:00

How many of you have had that stuck in your heads way too much? I guess that's kind of what the song is about though isn't it?

Alright. I don't even feel like apologizing for my sporadic updates. I haven't been really interested in keeping up with much lately because life in and of itself has been so stimulating and hectic!

But good. Oh its been good.

Cool stuff as of late?

1) Friends coming in to town from Minnesota. These girls had NEVER been to L.A. and they are from a place where in January- temps don't ever DREAM of reaching higher than 50, much less 75. It really made me appreciate where I'm at listening to their reactions to all the great facets of my daily life and surroundings that I frequently overlook by just... forgetting and getting sucked in to busy-ness. Cool.

2) Slam poetry. Imagine hundreds of the funkiest street savvy lookin L.A. folk gathering, no, STUFFING themselves into a tiny theatre even sitting butt to butt, elbow to elbow ON the stage surrounding one mic on which poets from the corners of the city laid the verbal smack-down. Inspiring beyond words.

3) Jet rag dollar sale. Every Sunday morning in hollywood tens of the most eclectic folk you'll see come out to rummage through and fight for vintage clothing. So good. 1 dollar per item. I struck gold.

4) Umami burger. Best burger in L.A. look it up! Even Giada said its her favorite food in L.A... GIADA!!

5) seeing avatar twice. Both times amazing. I'm serious when I use the word amazing. It amazed me. Every minute!

6) This past weekend I had an absolute blast playing music for kids up in the mountains of Santa Cruz. Every time dude. Every time I walk away thinking really? REALLY? This is my life? Yeah, sign me up again.

7) Flying Virgin America? UHhh AMAZING. In Jon's words " Its like flying on the inside of an iPod". Neon lights. Each person has their own touch screen where you can watch T.V., play video games, listen to a HUGE selection of music or the radio, etc etc. There's a remote control in the arm rest that doubles as a remote control when you take it out and flip it over.

8) New glasses. AND Trimmed bangs.

9) Hangin out with THIS character

I don't really have any energy to tell you about EVERYTHING that has gone on since I last blogged. Nor do I have the energy to say all kinds of fun and interesting things, but I just know I needed to get this thing goin again!

More to come! Stay tuned.

LOVE

-Carly

Ps: Check out this coffee I ordered in Santa Cruz. Those people are MANIACS!

1/6/01...wait.../10??

2009-12-31T10:36:00.000-08:00

Can you believe its 2010? I have a journal entry from the New Years between 1999 and 2000. I thought the world was ending. I was a paranoid 12 year old ok?

Here's the deal. I know that we operate on a calendar system of months and years and that's kind of how we sum up our time. "It's been a great month" doesn't actually mean "the past 30 days have all been great" it just means... if we are to create a mean ( mathematically) or an average- the past 30 days have been mostly pretty good.

What I have to remember is that years and months aren't made up in chunks like that. They are made up of days.. which are made up of hours and minutes. That being said- I don't know if this has been said before but...

I really believe that New Year's resolutions aren't productive.. and that if you want to do something this year.. do it TODAY. Do something today toward it. If you want to run more during the new year but then tell yourself you will start next week and even schedule it out... chances are that will be less than true.

Run TODAY. Even if its 10 mintues. Just go! If you want to journal more.. Journal RIGHT NOW!

Maybe its just me but I believe that a good year will only be that way if you live good minutes, hours and days.

Right?

I mean, if this year you want to be kinder- today, the next time you are encountered by someone, there's your chance. Your chance at a better year lies entirely in the opportunities of each day.

I think that's the most valuable thing I've learned from any of the 12 step recovery programs- One day at a time. Or even from Jesus!

James 4:13 "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. "

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I just think living well is less about making grandiose plans and resolutions as much as it is about living well moment to moment.

With that said... this year has been all kinds of things. Its been a really fruitful year in so many ways... its good to remember that as I look back. There have been really difficult experiences, seasons, if you will.. there have been seasons of celebration... its been full of life in every which way. Up and down. I'm gonna list off my top 2010 of 2009.. just kidding. My top 20?

Ok here we go- in no particular order...

TOP 20 OF 2009:

1) Growing in my relationships with my roommates. I have a tendency to be consumed with if things are ok or if they're gonna BE ok with people. I had seasons with the girls I live with that were nothing but me being convinced I wasn't wanted and that I needed to just move out.SO much stress. THis year, though I really feel like I've learned to be home here. For one reason or another I have started to live into this apartment with these amazing girls I live with. Thanks, God.

2) Being at Woodleaf in July - Being a complete goober, loving on all kinds of people, getting to know and getting to love teen moms,enjoying swweeeeet fellowship with my brothers and sisters, sharing music and teaching... Daily. Amazing. Indescribable. After that month literally the only conclusion I could come to with all of me is that God is real. He is at work and that I aint seen nothin yet.

3) Hitting my 2 year anniversary with Jon. He's such a great gift. I cannot believe my first relationship lasted this long and grew to be so mature! I am so blessed to be able to learn how to love jon and to be able to walk with him as he learns to love me. I am blown away at what fruit this relationship has brought to the other aspects of my life. *sigh

4) Performing in a band for the first time as part of the Fine Feathered Fiends! This was a great season for me because I got to tag along and learn to perform with real professional musicians and it was an absolute BLAST. I miss it so but, the seasons changed and new projects are sparking!

5) Climbing a mayan pyramid. The tallest one in Mexico actually. mwahhh.. Really the best part was doing that after spelunking and zip lining and kayaking and eating in a mayan village. But really... I had a great time soaking in the history and context of the Maya and climbing Coba was the high point ( pun. that was a pun)

6)Getting into running and running my first 5k and 10k races! Miraculous for certain.

7) Seeing. My. Album. On. Itunes.

8) Reconciliation with old friends... something that would once be known as impossible. Reconciliation is seriously one of my favorite miracles that God can do. Its surreal. that's love.

9) The return on aleece from a mystical fairy land ( She allowed me to say this) My best friend disappeared for a bit there. I mean we saw one another physically but.. now she's back. the real her. Boy am I glad!

10) The start of a real blog? Oo-OOh!

11) Writing and performing new songs... each one a blessing! I am always blown away when I realize I have grown in my craft. Its such a mystical sort of experience. One day you're singin the same old songs.. the next day you're invigorated because a song you never thought you could write appears out of the blue. I really feel like songs HAPPEN to you. I can't explain.

12) Learning to play the mandolin, the ukulele, the auto harp and the dobro. Sheesh. Not particularly good at any of them but.. I have indeed become obsessed with different instrumental sounds.

13) Mastering the master cleanse! Also- Mastering not eating meat for like 10 months. The master cleanse took SO much discipline. I feel like I learned to eat all over again. I don't recommend it but, it was pretty freakin rad. It also started a health kick in me. Good good.

14) Going to my first Al-Anon meetings. Not AA, which is also fabulous, but Al-Anon. Its a recovery program much like the others with 12 steps and everything that is there for people who are affected by OTHERS' drinking/addictions. I have been affected by alcoholism and addition since I was born. Not because my parents are alcoholics but because THEIR parents were and as a result I took on many traits shared by people in Al-Anon. You see, when you are close to an addict of some sort and you don't know how to deal with it in a healthy way- you take on certain traits and habits that are equally as unhealthy. Needing to be in control of others-especially addicts- feeling like you can somehow stop them. Fear. anxiety. Not being ok if everyone around you isn't ok. These are things I've been prone to for as long as I can remember but... This is the first time I've looked into it with HELP. Its a beautiful recovery group and its helped me a lot already. I've needed help for probably over 10 or 15 years. Thank God for al-anon.

15) Saw Bon Iver at sunrise in a cemetery after spending the night in it. Trippy. Sooo trippy. Hundreds of hipsters gathered into the Hollywood forever cemetery at about 11pm, sleeping bags in hand... not knowing what to expect. We all followed the leader into a big field surrounded by tombstones where there was a stage and a movie being projected nearly to drive- in size on the side of a building. The booming speakers pounded out the favorite songs of lead singer Justin Vernon for our listening pleasure as he made two genius mixtapes for us to get to know him by. They had great coffee and pastries for free and we all fed off of this incredible energy knowing we would be experiencing something pretty damn cool. After a few movies ( Bottle Rocket and two of the Planet Earths) people dozed off in and out until silence. The silence we had been anticipating. Candles were lit next to the stage as a legion of monks filed in, orange garb and all. They began to chant over us as the sun started to rise. Blessings poured out of their throats for the music, the audience, the earth, the day we were all starting.. what a TRIP!
Just as the monks ended, the thumping guitar of "Lump sum" rang out through the mist of the cemetery.

From there it was pretty unforgettable. What a night. Moreover, I am shocked that I let myself just.. experience it. I have changed. Not all the way but.. that night definitely told me I had. Spending the night in a cemetery with no real authority structure? Drinking hot totties? MOnks? Ah! All things that would have scared me back in the day. That brings me to a point:

A theme of this year, for me, has been learning how to act despite fear. "Feeling the fear and doing it anyway" if you will. Not letting myself say no to something because it was scary. I need to remember to practice this.

16) Experienced the incredible blessing of getting FLEWN OUT OF STATE and PAID to play a show for the first time. Such an honor. Aisea and I literally got to hop on a plane that was paid for, leave on a saturday morning, play a show saturday night, get paid for the performance, stay in a lavish mansion with a family who wanted to host us, perform once more Sunday morning, and go straight to the airport mid-day to come back to L.A. to play AGAIN Sunday night. I though to myself... yeah, this is crazy. This is SUCH an incredible honor. Someone believed in our talent THAT much. Wow.

17) Did a ropes course, drove a go kart and danced like a gangster in a darth vader costume in 100 degree weather. Thats right. Darth Vader.

18) Went disguised as a troll, pigeon, princess leia, 20s girl, candy land character and more. (Actually performed my first concert in costume too... )

19) Celebrated my 23rd birthday- in the rain on a balcony in malibu literally inches from crashing waves sipping wine with my best friends watching Baby Mama. Just sweet.

20) Ringing in the new year with close friends and having a live trumpet player play "Aude Lang Syne" while watching the fireworks at the santa monica pier from afar.

The downs of this year I'll save you from. I'll also save you from any little resolutions I have in my head. I have the tendency to say I'm going to do really great things and then fail and then feel bad about myself and then get discouraged about my whole life and where its going. Nobody wants that. The only resolutions I will share are THESE :

1) Learn how to take a sabbath. A day of rest. Much of my lack of rhythm as a whole this year was due to my in ability to rest and recharge.
2) Read a lot more.
3) Keep enjoying exercise.
4) Eat good food. Drink good wine.
5) Continue to involve myself in recovery and restoration of sorts.
6) Laugh more. Worry less.
7) Sing these songs like I might not be able to tomorrow.

Dass it.

So for today, going to the farmers market with friends, going to the Getty art museum to have a picnic, heading out to Hollywood to hike to the sign, workin hard at the Boys and GIrls club, and going to my songwriter's meeting tonight.

So go live a great hour. For THAT is how you will have a great year.

Grace and Peace in 2010,
Carly

"For how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives"
Annie DIllard

Ps:

First Grey hair?

Is it nap time yet??

2009-12-29T13:49:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh...

I am so freaking tired of doing anything at all. This long long loooong weekend has been amazing but, whoa..

Christmas was a real treat for the most part. It all started one delightful evening with Jon, Kelley, Drea, Aleece, The Princess and the Frog and SPIKED CIDER:

-Go get a big thing o'apple juice ( I got the monster one from whole foods that comes in the cool glass bottle.. but I made it for like 5 or 6 people)
- Add a packet of mulling spices( Mine were also from Whole Foods)
- Toss in a little rum

-Let it all cook in a crock pot for an hour or two

-Add more rum to taste!
-Drink up, Me artes, YO HO!

This year might have been one of the best Christmas Eve's of my life. Yeah, I said it. It started with a trip to Peet's coffee to just... be still. I read and journaled and just...left after an HOUR AND A HALF with a full soul and a peaceful mind. Not characteristic on Christmas! Then I went and got my parents some gifts which, was actually a LOT of fun cause I knew they would actually love them ( which they did)

Later in the afternoon I got a nice 4 mile run in before Christmas Eve service at Cornerstone. The run was so amazing... I listened to Sara Grove's Album " Fireflies and Songs" the whole time and was just.. so blessed!! My mom and I headed out to Simi for Cornerstone's service and it was just beautiful... I cried the whole time.. Not really because Francis ( the pastor) said anything CRAZY or because of some flashiness but... rather because the whole point of the service was quieting down and focusing on Jesus ( duh?) . Francis just had his wife sing O, Holy night accompanied by his daughter on piano and had us really take in the words. My heart grew swollen with hope after a long season of dry scratchy nothing in my soul and I remembered that I have a reason to hope.. I am loved...

I think it was the first time I really really felt my pain and need that I've been dealing with the past month or two instead of analyzing it or picking it apart and putting it in boxes.. I felt it, accepted it, swam around in it... then breathed in the hope of a Savior.. One that came like a gentle winter snow instead of a hurricane or flood. One that came as a poopy helpless baby then died for love. Yeah... This was CHRISTMAS! I felt those lines " A thrill of hope- the weary world rejoices for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.." and then really felt my heart lay down heavy with the classic " Fall on your knees" crescendo.

Twas a beautiful night. Thanks God. I see you.

Christmas day was 90% family chaos 10% over eating. Guhh.. I did run a few miles but... nothin would have saved my tummy from the bloating of my first 5 plates ( you think I'm kidding) . I was glad when that day ended.. merely for some quiet. I was spoiled on Christmas eve!

Saturday rolled around and I drove my arse up to the bay area for a girls weekend with my Branches! First, I stopped at Erika and Josh ( and Lucy and Amos) Soto's house for some great conversation.

I love them

Erika I know you're reading this. I love you!

To try to put it more gracefully Erika is like butter and/or bacon but actually healthy for me. By that I mean, I really think she makes everything a little better ( go ahead, give me an "awwww") . I'm not exaggerating. Ok Ok. Enough.

Ps: On the way up I saw this crazy cloud. Thought I was gonna be stuck in a tornado I tell you! A TORNADO!!

Saturday night my friends and I ended up in Palo Alto at a place that is basically... the love child of a sushi bar and senior prom. Haha CRAZINESS! I think it was called Miaki's? I dunno.. Either way this place is not known for their delectable rolls but for their Sake Bombs.

These are totally normal as far as drink content but what's not normal is that every table pretty much does rounds of them all night and everytime they do a round everyone is required to stand on their chairs, Chant " Sake- BOMB- Sake BOMB!" however many times they feel like it.. all the lights in the place shut off except strobes and flashing colored lights, a smoke machine lets out a puff, and all the while there is crazy dance music blasting . It was a little crazy especially having driven all day but.. all in all worth the experience! ( I faked my sake bomb. Had about 1/6 of one and just.. faked it.. yeahh)

Side note - I got into an argument with this guy who sat next to me. My roomie's brother came iwth a few friends who had been drinking prior to showing up . One of them was more like an acquaintance and sat next to me. Flirted with me all night...Then put his arm around me and I kind of shrugged him away and was like " Heyyy... yeahhh uhhh nooooo" and my roommate clarified " She has a boyfriend" and he responds with- get this:
" Yeah I have a girlfriend too and she's WAY hotter than this girl.."

I managed to lay the verbal smackdown. Jerk.

Alright are you ready for Sunday?

We went wine tasting in Napa. Yeah. that's right.

It was my first time and holy crap. We saw it in winter and I was floored by the beauty. I can't fathom how enchanting it must be in autumn! It was honestly a great day.

The first vineyard was really the most memorable.

Sterling. Oh man, first off- You start off the tour by riding a sky bucket/gondola deal up to a mountainside where the wine barrels and tastings are... amazing!!

Perhaps my fave tasting was the 1998 Cabernet. It was so smooth and perfect I couldn't stand it! What a great vineyard... I was really really impressed.

Other notable experiences that day:

-Going to Taylor's for lunch- I wanted an Ahi burger (they have a famous one) and when I got there I saw that it was 15 bucks! No way. So then I settled for a veggie burger and some sweet potato fries but after I paid I realized I paid about 14 dollars for my meal anyway so I probably should have just gotten what I wanted. I was encouraged to just go ask the manager and see what he said. He asked me my name and said " No problem we'll get it out to you" without charging me the dollar or two more that I owed- AWESOME! Then he called my name and said " we gave them both to you anyway"... WHAT?? DOUBLE AWESOME!!!

That means I got a 30 dollar meal for 14. Score.

- Eating mission pizza and watching "Julie and Julia" With the girls. MIssion pizza- if you're in the bay area- is a MUST. Its in fremont and they have amazing pies and a HUGE beer selection. My fave? Their chicken cashew pie. Garlic sauce, feta cheese, cashews and chicken. SOunds weird but its DELICIOUS.

The next day we just cruised Haite-Ashbury scouring all the smelly vintage stores etc. If you're out there please eat at The Citrus Club. Amazing noodle house made entirely with citrus oil! So healthy. I looove it.

I'm too tired to sum up the rest of the trip.

My body is flipping me off. I need to take a break from all things alcohol, sugar, cheese, cream sauce, and Lady Gaga.

I feel toxic! My friends and I are doing a cleanse in a couple of weeks. I am berry excite. Hopefully I can get my mileage back up with running too so my body will just clean itself out. Bleh

Well folks that's about it for this post. I will be comin atcha with a New Year's blog in the next 24 hours or so.

Peace.

Song of the moment: From this one place- Sara Groves

"From this one place I can't see very far...
From this one moment I'm square in the dark..
these are the things I will trust in my heart- You can see something else..something else"

What the Fa la la?

2009-12-18T11:52:00.001-08:00

Ohhh man. I'm so behind. I have been rushing around non stop for.. as long as I can remember! I haven't had any time at alllllll To blog.. nor the space in my head to sum anything up.

But here I go! Gosh,highlights from the past 4 days:

1) Performing at my friend's housing project on skid row... My friend Erin is amazing and she is a case worker for basically a building that houses and rehabilitates the homeless on skid row. I got to to play some Christmas songs and sing with them. I walked in and was welcomed warmly by friends from last year and I was just.. so blessed.

2)Performing as a musical minstrel at the Boys and Girls club ( same day as #1, hay yay yay) for a play at our teen center. So much fun. I basically chimed in with Christmas songs every scene but would change the words to make it funny and to go along with the play. Sweetness.

3) Free boots. Blowfish ( shoe company) is owned by a volunteer at the Boys and GIrls club and they donated a CRAPTON of shoes to us. I snagged a pair of boots and I LOVE them! They look like THIS!!

4) Decorating with my rents. I love decorating the tree and we have some distinct traditions that I really like to keep up so, I was glad they waited for me to come home so I could keep the traditions alive!

5) Performing at and hosting a Christmas sweater singalong spectacular in... THESE

6) Coming home after the singalong to find THIS!

A package from Erika Soto! MY LONG LOST SISTER. Clearly separated at birth ( see below)

Which included amazingness:

7) Saturday I barely had any plans! I had a meeting at 11am but, pff.. other than that I just hung out with my roommates, drove out to Malibu to meet Jon for some good chat time and coffee, and then came home for a girls night at my place! Legit.

8) Last night's church service was so fun because I got to lead ALL CHRISTMAS SONGS!!! Wowee wee wow. I loved it.

9) Coming home to my apartment filled with good friends.. All of them playing Magic. *sigh

10) THIS GUY coming home from Argentina safe and sound and bearing gifts!!

10) My good friend Maz lending me a book that has already rocked my world in the first few pages ( its called "Boundaries".. friggin.. theme of my life right now). I'm praying that I can learn how to "build fences and not walls". Praying for freedom. Yesss

11) Fun party tonight at our place. So proud of the roomie for getting through nursing school! twill be nice to have her around more instead of at school or studying.. until she gets a job :( oh well.

Ahhh I'm sure there's a lot more. I realize i've been a crappy blogger- not just in my lack of posts but in my lack of content worth reading.. or that you are capable of reading ( I post too many pics, too few words) . Maybe after the holidays blow over I will have time to recommit to exploration of all things beautiful in this city? Yes? YES?

Dang I hope so. Until then I leave you with a lovely song recommendation:

Chasing pirates by Norah Jones. I don't know why but I love it.

All time favorite song of hers?

"Humble me"

Oh that chorus gives me chills. Reminds me of the days when I used to drive around listening to that album in the back hills of Santa Barbara.. beautiful.

Alright. Hope you all are feelin the blessedness that you possess. I know I'm trying to.

Peace,
Carly

I was born to laugh.. I learn to laugh...

2009-12-17T00:24:00.000-08:00

Intelligentsia.

I have ventured to Intelligentsia ( pronounced intell-uh-JENT-see-yah). It was quite an experience. I felt like.. wow the cool bar just got raised to twice my height! Haha, I could care less. My notes are as follows...Intelligentsia.

"What an experience. I'm sipping on my delicious americano starting my day with quite a smile. My smile isn't there because of friendly staff or a warm atmosphere but because I've never felt more stuck in an L.A. version of the twilights zone in my life. You aren't allowed to come in here if you aren't wearing grey, designer jeans ( cuffed with workboots it you're a guy), some kind of fancy boots, and slightly disshevelled hair.

Everyone looks like Venice royalty- you know that "Just left the studio to grab some joe' kind of thing...or like EVERYONE'S an old fisherman?? Vests, cocked navy beanies, layered thermals.. ahh..

So lets get back to the coffee for a minute. Intelligentsia is like a massive well-oiled machine. Everything is precise, clean, wood or stainless steel ( love the combo). They use milk that comes in those cool vintage glass bottles. I should have gotten something made with milk. I forget sometimes that americanos made at nice coffee shops can be a little intense. Oh well, still tasty.

I smiled at the barista and greeted him jubilantly- he was clearly caught off-guard. SHOCKED- you can't be NICE in a place like THIS!!! They might question your artistic genius! Well, he took it well... after he caught his breath he actually smiled back. It looked like it was the first time ever... like in Pleasantville when Jeff Daniel's gets his coloring for the first time. ( cue " A whole new woooooorllld")

Here's my beef. I don't buy the artsy L.A. thing. I'm an artist. I live here. I've never felt like that gave me the right to be a disconnected a-hole( was I just being one? HA! They've GOT ME!!) nor did it give me reason NOT to smile..

All I want to see right now is a mom in a print sweatshirt from her company picnic 4 years ago. You know? Nope. Only cool moms with fitted jean jackets and beanies or newsboy caps. "

So I conclude: Intelligentsia- Good coffee, great people watching, too cool for school. ( Great design work actually if you're into that)

Oh and cool lighting fixtures that look like this:

Ahh, so, that was my first coffee deal. Now onto other highlights!

So, I actually have a happy place. You know, somewhere you go to remember whats good.. somewhere that makes you feel warm and safe.. somewhere you can be reminded that its gonna be ok? Yeah, a happy place. Few know but, mine is driving back and forth on portrero rd. in Thousand Oaks. In college I used to seriously just drive back and forth listening to "The trapeze swinger" by iron and wine and I'd be at peace... just a beautiful little hideaway. So, yesterday I was waiting for Jon to get on his lunchbreak and I decided to escape to my happy place... It still works!

It's basically made up of Lake Sherwood and a bunch of ranch property with cool oak trees and horses and golden tones... I love it..
It starts here:

and continues...

Ahhh.. It was so good for my soul. I was listening to "I was Born" by Over the Rhine... I love the chorus.. It made me cry yesterday (shocking) it goes " I was born to laugh, I learn to laugh through my tears... I was born to love, I'm gonna learn to love without fear" ... Yeah. Yeah I want that.

Anyhow, this week is INSANE!

Today I had early morning rehearsal for tomorrow night's performance with Leah, then I'm leaving in a half hour for a little fun performance at my friend's work ( Skid Row housing project), then I'm off to work, then I have a performance with teh kids at the Boys and Girls club, then tonight I'm off to finish decorating y tree with my parents... then tomorrow I have a 9am conference call, midday rehearsal, work, then straight to an event I'm both performing at and hosting... the weekend might be even crazier. Non stop action with THIS girl.

My devotional last night was about saying no to things in order to breathe right. I'm not surprised God's trying to get ahold of me :)

Alright kids. I'm off to performance number one of the day! Grace and Peace until later awn.

-Carly

Oh PS: I ALMOST FORGOT!!!

My album is now FINALLY available through itunes!!

Me? I want a hula hoop.

2009-12-12T22:27:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. We meet again ( pronounced "Uh- Gane") .

I was reminded casually by Aleece that its been a while since I last posted. It has. For good reason!

So, I'll catch you up on what I have deemed THE CRAZIEST WEEKEND EVER

Friday night I had a late rehearsal ( til about 10:30) with my keyboard/trumpet player and then I had to rush around and find running pants, get my stuff together, do laundry and somehow get some rest before the big 10k Christmas Run Saturday morning. I ended up hitting the pillow at midnight but literally tossed and turned all stressed out until atleast 2am.. then I just got really frustrated thinking about how tired I would be during my run but...I got up at 6am and tried to shake myself into the spirit. An awesome inspirational note from my room mate helped :)

I was ready to go.. even if it was still dark outside.

Dad gummit it was AWESOME! The rain, the brisk air, the costumes, my bomb playlist, the cheering fans... I loved it. I ran it in an hour and 4 mins.. check it out:

*Sighhhh... I had a great time and am really proud of myself. I don't know if I see moving on to bigger and better things (half marathons) in my future but definitely more of these.. and definitely more distance running. I don't know how that happened. I've hated running my whole life... hmmm.

Anyhow! From there I went up to Thousand Oaks to decorate for Christmas with my parents. The problem was a) I had WICKED acid reflex ( probs from the run, no sleep, and stress) and our tree was too wet from the delightful rain to decorate :( so, I will post pics when we HAVE decorated.

Speaking of TREEES:

BEHOLD! Apartment D's Christmas Tree!! It's not fully decorated ( when it is you will know). Kelley jacked it from her work for us. I wanted a tree but am flat broke so... YESSS.

Ahhh. So, Sunday morning I woke up after a long evening of trying to figure out why I felt like I swallowed the tail of a phoenix but... indeed it was stress. But it all worked out marvelously. I lead worship Sunday night which was a great time and I was just so blessed with the musicians I got to perform with then after that I had a SHOW at the Foundry with Jamie Drake.

I was so blown away by everyone that came out- what a fun night! Probably my favorite part of the evening was my duet of "Christmas Don't Be Late" with James Schoensiegel my new partner in musical crime. He plays keys, trumpet and sings. What an allstar. Here's a vid of us practicing- listen to the speaker at the end as we go into Chipmunk mode and know that that's what the audience heard.

Know that this is a REALLY rough practice.. the performance was like 40 times better.

And here is a song James wrote for me to sing that I LOVE! Hope you love it too.

I'm off to bed got a busy week ahead of me. Promise I'll be better about posting! Ahhh... as soon as things calm down, right? But... do they ever?

Didn't think so. :)

Love love love
-Carly

Anneno..amennome..Amenimee..anenenenennom...

2009-12-11T00:17:00.000-08:00

Ahhh its Friday again! Can you even believe it?? I cannot. Pay day finally. Yesssss.. (Trader Joes and Target call my name.. not to mention the City of Santa Monica because I of my unpaid parking tickets.) I hope this Christmas is Debt Free. That'd be jolly for certain.

So I have decided that despite my recent enjoyment of running ( I ran a miraculous 5.7 yesterday), that after saturday's run ( 10k Christmas Run) I'm not gonna be actively training for anything.. I will still run but.. the pressure of training and gaining mileage isn't fun. I have a feeling that if I keep going this way and enjoying it I'll end up doing a half marathon someday soon but... I'm not geting ahead of myself for now.

I mostly decided I kind of need to cut out the pressurized side of running because I need to make time for music and my new adventure... you want to know what it is?

To Discover: The best coffee esperience in L.A.

I want to explore. I love everything about coffee shops. I love that they are notorious for attracting artists. I love that there's such an art to coffee in general. I love the culture of where the beans come from ( Latin America, Africa, Indonesia, india and the mediterranean). I love nothing more than a good cup of coffee ( not true. I love all kinds of things more, this you must know)

I just feel like coffee shops are my favorite parts of cities. Whenever I go to a new city I ask the locals where the best coffee is.. but haven;t explored it in the very city in which I reside? Blasphemy!

The first on my list?

Intelligentsia. According to all the foodies I know out here its the best cup of joe you're gonna find. I will fill you in ASAP.

VENT/SELF-REALIZATION TIME

Lately I've felt unlike myself.. My boyfriend pointed out in a nice and sort of perfect nature analogy that..

I am a sea anenome. Annenn..anen..anennomie ? Anemone.

Yeah, you know those creatures with the millions of sticky arms... they start out open and bountiful, like a beautiful flower... but if you sneak up on them and then invade their open arms by poking your finger into their space they close themselves up to protect themselves.

Most of my life I have been among the most emotionally available people on earth. open to long conversations about how we're all feeling.. Open to listen.. open to drop everything and come to the rescue of someone who's hurting...Much like our sea creature friends..

But in the past 3 or 4 years I have learned the hard way the need for boundaries... and now, I'm closed up. I realized this when I recently have felt emotionally unavailable in my relationships...usually I'd ask how the other was doing actually eager to hear the answer... so I could analyze it and take it ALL in and then feel it with them... but lately I've just felt numb..

When a sea anemones are closed up they don't even look like themselves.. Like another animal altogether. That's how I've felt. Off. Just OFF! Not me...

I can point the finger at busyness or, lack of productivity or.. not DOING something enough... But dad gummit I think I've been hurt one too many times by being too available then having my world rocked as someone very close to me turns out to be someone I never thought...that and because I've had wack boundaries my resources have been totally depleted.

My heart currently believes that I can't afford another bomb going off.. I can't go through another unmasking.. so I've been at a distance. Its psych 101 crap. I never thought I'd be here. I'm that kid that literally almost failed out of highshool because I thought it was more important to be totally available to certain people who I felt like needed rescuing or the numberous friends who talked about being suicidal or.. or... *sigh...than to do schoolwork.

Its always felt more important to take care of.. everyone BUT me.

So as I stand today, I think its time to take care of myself until I look like this again:

Open, but healthily open. Able to feel things intensely again.. to be present with people without feeling drained.

I hate being closed off.. I want to LIVE! One day at a time.

PHEW. Ok sorry.. I know the past week I've been posting a lot of emotionally charged blogs but... what can I say, thats where I am!

More to come later. I have a busy day ahead of me! Registering for my 10k, errands, work, rehearsals.. wee!

This morning's song???
"Why can't it be Christmastime all year" by Rosie Thomas.

Peace,
Carly

Let it alllll out...

2009-12-08T13:50:00.000-08:00

Blogging midday? Yeah I guess so. I'm feelin like splattering some stuff out there. Yesterday's blog was all pictures cause I was lazy but, here come the words!!

VENT TIME...
I'm currently pretty frustrated with the fact that I got Jon's sinus infection. I had a training plan so that I could run this weekend's 10k strong but, I haven't been able to run since Saturday because I've been sick. No fun!!

I'm hoping to try another 4 miles or so tonight just to keep up but uh, it was about 35 degrees last night and that plus running while trying to get over a sinus infection kind of sounds like a bad idea.. I just hate sitting around. I've started to like running for the first time in my life and I don't want to lose it! *sigh... ok I'm done venting about that.

Here's another little something I'm having a hard time with... So, as you all probably know I didn't finish out college with more than a double associate's degree because I felt like I was completely lackluster about school but completely called to music and kind of dropped everything to follow my heart. So now I'm in a place where YES, for a 23 year old I'm doing a lot of cool things in L.A. with music.. I mean, I played in a band, have played shows all over Hollywood, have rubbed elbows with some really cool and successful musicians, joined a songwriting group of really talented and mature songstresses that are all at least 6 or 7 years older than me who spur me on, am currently leading on a talented worship team and my day job directly involves producing and writing music with kids... I'm doing a lot. But, I feel like I'm not doing ENOUGH. I mean, I wish in high school I would have foreseen music in my future and started pursuing it then but... thats just not how it happened.

I mean, I could have been the clean version of :

She's MY age.. I would never ever ever sing the songs she sings or wear the things she wears but... my point is she's crazy accomplished for her age and quite talented.

I say all this because I'm just struggling. I had a few conversations this weekend back to back with people in school asking me about what I'm doing or why I dropped out or if I want to go back or.. if I think I'll really make it.. Or " Do you think that's really God's calling for you?... maybe you shouldn't put all your eggs in that basket"...

Ouch. Then yesterday I had a one on one with one of my kids at the Boys and Girls club who is now one year out of highschool. We talked about how we both botched highschool and wish we could have known how EASY it would be to do better and how worth it it was. I encouraged him to kick ass in community college because its a huge second chance and he can do anything from there as far as transferring.. then I made a joke like " Or else next thing you know you'll be 23 working at the Boys and GIrls club" and he laughed and said " Yeah, no thanks".

Ouch again.

I have been secure in my decision to pursue music instead of an art degree for some time recognizing the only reason I would be in school was to be validated socially but... now I'm starting to freak out a little. Its probably just me being in a funk but.. I just feel kind of like a loser. I know I know.. I will snap out of this I'm certain. These things never last very long before God reminds me that I'm not crazy and that I can't listen to anyone's voice that tells me I'm not enough.

It reminds me of the garden of eden. You see, God told Adam and his lady friend Eve "Here's the deal.. there's only one thing I need you to stay away from in all of creation, and that's the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil.. never eat from it no matter what anyone else tells you." easy enough.. But when it came down to it- Eve was told by the evil one " Did God REALLY say that? I mean... maybe you heard Him wrong" and BAM! All of creation, all the Shalom ( peace, the way things were supposed to be ) was jeopardized forever because Eve doubted. She thought welll.... Maybe I heard him wrong.

Point being... This is what happens when we know we're supposed to do or NOT do something and we say WELLLLL... maybe that instinct is wrong. We start falling.. sometimes slow, leaning tower of Piza style, sometimes fast like, well like jenga.

I think its just hard to have faith when you feel stagnant- I mean.. I think if I were working as hard as I possibly could with music and makin moves out there I'd feel a lot better but as it stands I've been trying to balance music along with the rest of life- my relationships with my roommates, writing, my semi long distance relationship with not only my boyfriend but family, Young Life opportunities, church peep relationships, my job, exercising, faith, and more social obligations than you can imagine.. I mean, look at my weekend:

Saturday :
7:30am 10k race in Venice beach
12 to 4 pm- Sunset Junction -Job painting for TOM's shoes
5pm- drive out to thousand oaks to buy and decorate tree with fam
that evening- hang out with friends in from out of town
Sunday:
Morning Disneyland with friends here from oregon
Midday- rehearse for concert that night
2pm-5pm rehearse for leading worship at church
6pm-8sih pm- church- leading worship
9pm- show in Hollywood

That's just the weekend. Honestly on my calendar right now there ISN'T a free day in December...at... all... not one!

Do you know ANYONE as busy as that? Every day I have atleast 2 planned activities before work and 2 after. At least 2. Who do I think I am??? FREAKIN... FREAKING AN X MEN!!!???

NO NO, I'm not an X men. If I were my dream was to be this one :

But that's beside the point.

I'm too busy. Its making me a crappy person. Seriously my heart is crappy right now. My tude? Crappy.

I need balance and I know it.

How did I get to this point? Oh yeah, music. Here's the deal. I've never pursued anything with al of myself. I'm just not a very motivated person. I shouldn't say that, I'll say.. I'm not driven nor disciplined. I'm really good at making plans and talking about what to do next and even BETTER at thinking about it. Noooot so good at doing it.

So, that's the lesson to learn from all of this crazy negative crap I've been thinking about...I need to run harder and not only that but, I need to REALLY believe that I can do this.. Not by my strength nor on my own talent- by the GRACE I've been given to do it. I need to believe in me or nobody else will. That's the hard truth of it all.

Cause I know way too many people who let this ripe time in life pass them by... there's no better time than now to snap out of it and start living like you want to. Like you dream of living.

Ok. I feel better!

I know I just complained about all my busyness but, there's a LOT of great stuff to look forward to. Even all the stuff I listed for this weekend.

These things are freakin awesome. So awesome.

Jon always tells me " Don't let your blessings be curses" ( He's proud of this little saying he made up. I think it should be a bumper sticker)

meaning, Don't be overwhelmed with all the awesome things in your life in a NEGATIVE way, start being THANKFUL for all of it!! Its abundant. Its everything you want. And he's right.

Ok, I know this post was manic and kind of a lot but, I needed to get it out there. So to cheer you up, here's this :

Also- if you haven't already purchase this:

and this:

And snuggle up in a blanket.

And don't let your blessings become curses :)

God rest Ye Merry Gentle(wo)men.

-Carly